Just the Tips

First Messages that Turn Women Off

Woman Using Laptop on Bed

The other day I logged out of my online dating site, and not because I’d met someone but because I couldn’t take another bad message from a suitor. If only these men read the advice I write on sending messages that get a reply. Sigh. Frustrations aside, it really is something you need to put effort into, just like when you create your dating profile.

I think a lot of bad messages stem from laziness. Slow down. Be choosy about who it is you are shooting a message. I think a lot of men scroll through pictures and send the first pretty tans woman a “hey, how’s it goin’?” message, thinking they’ll get a response. Wrong!

Trans women want to know that a man has read her profile, the entire profile. She wants to know he’s choosing her based on more than her looks or just the fact that she is transgender or transexual, even if it’s only a casual relationship he’s after.

So forget the short impersonal one-liners. Most of these go straight to the trash. You also want to avoid getting too personal, or sexual. It’s an instant turnoff, not the flattery you might think it is. Women don’t want to be objectified, especially by a stranger. Save your flirtatious chivalry for the first date. And messages that are longer than your profile cause a big sigh and suspicions of narcissism.

Cheesy romantic notes are also a bad idea. They come across as creepy and inappropriate. Save your inner poet for a girlfriend, not someone you haven’t actually met.

Bad grammar and spelling can also be a deciding factor. Please proofread your message before pressing the send button. The first message is the first impression, so make it count!

Remember: Even if you have a profile that is well-written with awesome pics, it’s meaningless if your message stinks because she won’t even check out your profile if the message is a turn off.

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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