You’ve found the transgender woman you’ve been looking for all your life. She’s smart, sexy, sensitive, and totally into you. Or so it seems.
Something’s not quite right, and when you told a good friend she was the woman of your dreams, he said, “Are you sure about that?”
Dating is always tricky, whether you meet online or at work. It’s fun and rewarding to meet people and hookups, but it’s complicated!
5 Red Flags to Watch for with Your TS Lover
1. She’s Not Emotionally Invested
Of course when it’s just sex, you don’t ask for this at all, and keeping a distance is a healthy protection. But what if you’ve been dating for six months and have both indicated you want a long-term relationship?
It’s true that many transexual women can be gun shy and take longer to put their guard down than others. They’ve had their share of struggles, obstacles, and abuse, and she does need to see your emotional investment first.
But you shouldn’t be emotionally starved, either. You can’t be the only one making concessions and taking emotional risks.
2. She’s Too Emotionally Invested
Then again, there’s something REALLY wrong if your date trusts you too easily, if she’s always oversharing, if she calls you ten times a day after the first date, if she drops all of her friends and family and classes for you.
If she says she loves you too soon, the poor girl doesn’t know what love is and won’t be capable of giving it. Run.
3. She’s a little too Private
She says she works in “shipping” or in “fashion” but you have no idea where, or in what capacity. At first, that’s normal, since women don’t want suitors or stalkers showing up at the office. But as you get to know each other, it’s normal to, well, get to know each other.
You haven’t met her friends or folks or kids either. Do you have any idea who she really is?
4. She Never Wants Sex
Your partner may want to wait until she’s post-operative for full sexual intimacy, and that’s great, but you still share an affectionate physical closeness. Maybe you are both rare and romantic and waiting for your wedding night, but it should still feel hard to keep your hands off each other!
No, I’m not saying that a girl has to put out. No woman is obligated to get naked just because you’re horny. But if she professes to want you, love you or want to be with you, it’s a bit telling if she never shows you.
I can’t guess as to why or what game she’s playing, but if she’s not that into you, she’s just not that into you.
5. Substance, Sex, or Gambling Addictions
Don’t sign up for “until death do us part” if she’s got problems beyond you. Don’t for a minute think you can fix it.
Sympathize if she’s in treatment or working on it, and wish her all the best. Just like many others, a lot of trans people have struggled with and overcome addictions. That’s part of life. But if someone is addicted now, they can’t offer you the best part of themselves, or even a fair scrap. The addiction will always take precedence over you and your feelings, even if she is trying.
Besides, she needs all her energy to fight this, and if she’s investing in relationships while sick with addiction, she’s not investing everything in overcoming the problem. Best to move on.