Most of the men I know complain about their experiences with online dating, whether it’s not getting any replies from their first messages, or being disappointed because a date didn’t live up to her profile pic.
Rejection is just one of many things that can get a guy down when it comes to online dating. And for some reason it seems the harder you try, the harder you take any bad experiences that come your way.
So… how can you stay positive in a dating scene rife with pitfalls? Here’s some advice from seasoned online daters (myself and a few close friends) who are able to pick themselves up, brush themselves off, and take another chance.
Put the effort in. Most people will say online dating is the easier way to meet women, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t take work. It took me days (and weeks of tweaking) to write a stand-out profile. You also want to choose photos that are varied and flattering, and that show the real you (bathroom selfies are so not cool anymore… were they ever?) If you have an awesome profile, that’s one less thing you can blame your failures on.
Ask a friend for help. When you’re lying alone in the middle of the night, staring at your screen, browsing through profiles, it’s easy to feel lost in a sea of faces and words. Choose a friend who really knows you and who you trust to be your online wingman or wingwoman. They can help you write a truly reflective profile, cheer you on through the ups and downs, and spot red flags in profiles that you might miss.
Expand your search. Sometimes we receive comments from readers who are outraged that they can’t meet a “younger dominant kinky trans woman who will spank them” on a dating site. We all have fantasies, but getting upset when we can’t find them is silly, especially if they are too specific. You might need to broaden your age range, or be willing to meet someone who doesn’t spell out their sexual proclivities in their profile.
Don’t take everything personally. This is a hard one, but you really don’t know the reason why someone isn’t responding to your message (unless it’s obvious you haven’t read her profile, or you’ve sent a form letter?!?) There are so many reasons why someone doesn’t respond that have nothing to do with you. Just remember, women are not obligated to respond, so never send a follow-up to ask why? Dropped threads are just part of the experience.
Take a break and focus on you. Sure sex and love are all well and good and exciting, but they aren’t everything. This is my favorite way to conquer the dating doldrums. First, I go on what I call a flash flood of dates and if everything washes away, I log out for a few weeks or more. During that time, I practice self-care (go to the gym, eat well, read in bed) as well as spend time with people who love me. These all help to boost dating confidence.
How do you stay positive about online dating?