How Long to Wait before You Have Sex

We get it, you’re ready for sex. You’ve chatted, dated, talked, and now you’re waiting.

It seems like the chemistry is right between you. It seems like she’s interested. She replies to your messages, chooses to date you again, and flirts too. So how long are you supposed to wait for sex?

Here are some things to keep in mind when playing the waiting game.

How Long to Wait for Sex

Understand that sex and dating for transgender women have unique challenges.

Transgender women have even more tough terrain to traverse when it comes to sex and dating than cis women. She may be wary about being seen as a sex object on the down low, with guys who are willing to fuck her but ignore her in public and in real life.

Her body may not reflect what she feels, and her relationship with it might be complicated.

She may be used to casual sex but feel uncertain or distrusting about “more.” Or she may be comfortable with romance but not sure about sex.

Be patient and kind.

Match your expectations to the understood terms of the situation you met in.

If you’re expecting her to put out tonight or get you off over the phone, but you met her on a site catering to long-term relationships, that’s not realistic or fair.

Don’t search for t-girls on sites that are irrelevant to you. Respect what she’s looking for.

Be flexible.

On the other hand, just because you’ve been having phone-sex already and have agreed to hook up, she still has no obligation to put out once you get together. She might not feel the chemistry she was hoping for, or she might have changed her mind.

Respect that.

Ask her what she wants.

If you aren’t sure what page she’s on, the best way to find out is to ask her. You may be misreading all the signs, seeing signs that aren’t there, or getting caught up in her uncertainty.

Communicate. Be open. You might think your intentions are obvious, but that doesn’t mean they’re obvious to her. Tell her clearly how attracted you are to her and that you’d love to take it to the next level.

If you’re dating with the understanding that a hookup is in the stars—say, you met on a site seeking sex—it’s fair to ask what happened to those plans. You don’t get to demand sex, of course, even if it was promised to you, but having a good heart to heart to find out what’s going on or what she wants is the best way to know for sure where you stand.

Don’t waste HER time.

You may feel that YOUR time is being wasted, if you’re waiting for sex and that’s what you signed up for. And you may be right. It’s a risk we all take when hoping to hook up, but there are so many variables that go into sex.

On the other hand, though, women complain that guys make all kinds of promises or pretend to enjoy her company. It may have seemed clear to her that you were planning on spending time together, dating, AND sex, and if she’s feeling like only one of those things is now on the table, she of course is holding back until her other expectations are met. One more reason why communicating is essential!

But think carefully. You may have wanted a hookup, but agreed to more and it’s slipped your mind.

Don’t waste her time, or yours, with flowery promises.

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