First Date Rejection Advice

Most of the time you can tell whether or not your date is feeling the same thing, whether it’s chemistry or that you’re just not clicking. But not always. Sometimes it’s hard to read a woman.

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The two of you might be having fun, engaging in interesting conversation, a little light flirting… then boom! When you lean in for that goodnight kiss, or take a chance and ask her back to your place—nothing! She pulls away or tells you she has to get up early. You go home, puzzled and wondering what the hell just happened. Does this sound familiar? Let me explain what often happens from a woman’s point of view.

I always go into a first date with a positive attitude. I want to have a good time, no matter what… unless the guy is a total douchebag, he can expect a good time (and that doesn’t always mean sex.) Experts say a woman knows if she will sleep with a man within ten seconds of meeting him. I call bullshit on that. It’s not all about looks—believe me.

I might think hmm…not really my cup of tea when I first see a guy, but that doesn’t mean I’m not going to give him a chance to wow me with his personality and what not. Most women enjoy meeting new people, whether it leads to something or not. This is where planning a fun first date matters. If you’re just meeting at the coffee shop, you don’t really have a chance to show a lot of yourself… it becomes more like an interview.

First dates where there are things to look at or to engage in are often much more successful because even if the chemistry isn’t there immediately, she may be interested in exploring things further if she’s had fun.

If you had a great time, and she isn’t ready for a kiss or hookup, don’t despair. It’s not always the end of the road. Some girls want to be wooed. Text her the next day to tell her that you had a great time and throw out an idea for a second date… something enticing. A woman likes a man with a plan.

Know that it may not be enough. She may say she had a good time but didn’t feel you were the right match. No matter what you feel—disappointment, anger, confusion—give it one more try. The key here is subtlety. Tell her you’re sorry to hear that, but you’ll be around if she changes her mind. Some guys can’t do this, especially the ones with fragile egos… but it really can work. BUT, it’s very important that this be your last message unless she responds, otherwise you’re harassing her.

Trans women who are shy, unsure, or maybe just got out of a bad relationship are going to be a little more cautious. If you act like a gentleman and show her you have a healthy ego, you may just get that second date! Patience really does pay off sometimes.

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