We all do it—create an online dating profile to reflect our fantasy self, someone like us, but better.
Sometimes our profile persona is a complete fabrication, but more often we enhance our best selves and distract from our failures or neuroses. Everyone does it.
I encourage people to put their best foot forward, but to tell the truth or a reasonable facsimile. After all, you want to meet women who are interested in hookups or dating YOU, so it’s best to be yourself.
Still, there are lies and omissions that you guys tell. Women do too.
Here are four lies that a transgender woman might be telling in her profile, a few guesses at why, and whether or not it should matter to you.
4 Lies She Might Tell in Her Profile
1. Her Body Type or Weight
I think it’s just fine for a woman (or a man) to let a picture speak for itself or to use a general descriptive of body type: “tall and athletic” or “chubby” or “BBW” say enough. But some profiles expect a number or range for weight or have questions that ask for more information.
Women care a lot more about their weight than they care about yours, and way more than you care about hers, so she is likely to lie about her weight, even if it’s a few pounds.
It’s just a number. In this case, just ignore her insecurity and focus on your connection and attraction.
2. Her Age
It is almost universal that women will shave off a few years on their dating profile. Some do so by a decade! Most will round down about three.
Women have sought youth since time eternal. Assume every woman you meet is a few years older than she says. The only time this little white lie is a red flag is for guys looking for a woman to have children with. Otherwise, if your TS date is thirty, not twenty-seven, let it go.
3. Her Sexual Health
Dating and sex mean having mature and often uncomfortable discussions on subjects like HIV or STIs. No one wants to announce that they have HIV, and some may not have the courage to tell the truth because of stigma or denial.
Transgender women are historically and globally subject to wretched health care, and living in poverty as a social pariah means high rates of addiction, mental health issues, sexual abuse, and sex work (often forced, not chosen). This means trans women are at high risk for HIV statistically.
Be supportive and loving when you have the conversation. Assert that you always protect yourself and your dates with safe sex and encourage honest communication. Don’t rail at her for not disclosing personal information on her profile—you can’t expect her to make a target out of herself. It’s up to you to protect yourself with any date.
4. Her Transition Details
T-girls looking for love and long-term dating may have preconceived notions of what guys are expecting. I encourage them to leave the big reveal for a heart-to-heart chat or sensual unfolding, rather than disclosure of private details in advance.
For hookups, though, it’s just pragmatic that we describe ourselves. It’s odd that anyone would change the story when the truth will be, well, out there shortly.
Be sensitive to the fact that trans women suffer body dysmorphia and social discrimination, and be polite and caring instead of raging over any discrepancies of description. Also, be clear and up front in your dating profile if you have strong preferences.
Dare to share the lies you tell in your profile? Leave a comment!