Trans Identity and Etiquette

This is something I don’t have the answer to, but I definitely want to put it out there…

Do you ask a person if they are trans, or do you wait for them to reveal it to you?

I do believe in the concept of Gaydar, primarily because I fucking have it, ha ha, so yes, I believe there is a feeling you can get about it.

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Some people who are gay and lesbian can be visibly observed. And knowing that, I admit sometimes that my conversation and intentions are altered, being aware of a person’s sexuality like so.

A certain affinity, kinship, and connection does exist, since I identify as queer myself.

But this is where things evolve into places I’m not totally educated on, but I exist with my heart and mind wide open.

I have only occasionally seen someone who I think to myself, I’m pretty sure that person is trans.

I personally have not quite outright asked anyone “Hey, are you trans?” Not that I feel any shame about befriending a trans person, hell naw.

But I just think it’s something that is such a potentially sensitive topic to share with others, that I don’t just assume I can “out” someone I see.

Or even suspect I see as a trans person, whether or not I am right or wrong. Being right doesn’t change any of the person’s right to privacy.

I may have the best intentions in the world, either as a friend or a lover, but if they don’t want to reveal their sexual or gender identity—that’s real.

I would obviously respect their boundaries to the fullest, and not say another word about it if they didn’t want to have a conversation about it.

But, I ask this to wonder what the consensus is in the trans community. Which questions are fair to ask, and which ones are not so much cool?

Maybe it depends on the trans person we are asking, which is a fair variable to consider. But the curiosity is still prevalent.

I am a gentleman, so I usually don’t ask too many penetrating questions to a person, until they have given me the space and time to do so.

But, you know. Sometimes, you see something, and you say something about it. That’s just how human nature operates.

Should I hold my tongue? I usually do. Unless we’re about to kiss. Then, I ask whatever I need to know, and then get freaky deaky, baby! LOL!

Addi Stewart

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