Trans Dating: A Few Good Questions

When you meet a trans person, whether you are interested in asking them on a date or not, it’s important to know what to ask…and what not to. Humans are always naturally curious, but trans people often have to put up with a lot of shit from strangers. Here are a few suggestions:

1. Nobody owes you any explanation for anything. People are just trying to live their lives, not justify themselves for your benefit.

2. Ask politely if you can ask questions. If they say “no”, just let it go. If they say “yes” then be respectful. Don’t ask personal questions about their genitals, or their sex life. You wouldn’t do this with a cis person you just met, so why do it with a trans person? If you are really still curious about something, go look it up on the internet. That’s what the internet is for.

3. Ask how they would like to be referred to. The may prefer he, she, them, or perhaps another pronoun. It’s okay to admit you are unsure how to proceed. A little respect goes a long way.

4. Never ask about their “real” gender, their “real” name, or about the way they “used to be”. Often people who are transitioning, have difficult backgrounds that they don’t want to discuss. There is no harm in living in the now and being the person you want to be in the present.

5. Everybody has different rules and comfort levels. Try to be conscious of the fact you might be annoying someone by pressing for too much information. Nosey people are always annoying, but in these situations they can be way worse.

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The main point is that trans people just want to be treated like everyone else. When you meet a cis-gendered person, it is unlikely that you will launch into a whole raft questions about their sexuality and personal issues. Why would you do this with a trans person? Just look them in the eye and treat them like a human being. If dating is on your mind then beginning as a respectful and understanding person, as opposed to a weird fetishist will probably help you a lot.   

More trans dating tips: Treat Her Like a Lady

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