A recurring theme in online dating conversations is how to avoid “the chaser.” Men with a particular penchant for a feature, or a specific fetish, are often perceived as objectifying creeps.
The women who possess what you’re looking for are, oddly enough, often trying to find a man NOT looking for what she’s got!
Whether the guys have a “thing” for hirsute or chubby women, petite or tall, or trans women; the women to whom he is most attracted are often looking the other way.
I had a great convo once with Liz, a very big gal. She had a full social calendar and was always dating good looking guys. When an office mate asked her secret, she said, “I don’t push the chasers away. They’re the ones looking for me!”
I asked her if she ever felt degraded being sought out for being chubby. She said, “No. It’s degrading to sneer at someone’s attraction, as if there’s something wrong with being attracted to beautiful women like me. Why would I look for a man who prefers skinny girls sexually? I have lots of those men. They’re my friends. But I also want sex and romance.”
We all want to be liked as we are, and that is why we have friends from all walks of life. But sex is different. Often we are wired very specifically.
Trans admirers are often caught in the irony that trans women are trying to avoid them!
“Chasers are terrible… it’s about the parts. They are predators and they seek out people they know they can use,” said one t-girl. “They think we’re sex fiends who want no-strings-attached sex since we’re really men.”
“I’d rather die alone. For a man to be attracted to me because my body is different from a cis woman, that hurts,” said another trans woman.
I see their point… but only to a point. After all, most of us are admirers, even if it’s something as routine as “the opposite sex.”
As trans admirers, you may feel hurt and upset when you run into these sentiments, and wish the t-ladies could have an outlook more like my gal pal Liz.
But since you’re a great guy, you know its tough being transgender. You know trans women face hostility and discrimination, and so defending and protecting themselves is smart.
It’s up to you to prove admirers are unique and varied like any other group. Do this by owning your attraction. Let her know if you usually date cis women, or if you are mostly attracted by t-girls.
Be honest if you’re looking for a NSA affair. Let her know you’ve been dating trans women exclusively for years, or that you’re new, curious, and uncertain where this is going.
Have a sense of humor. As one witty friend of mine explained to his new t-date, “It’s not my attraction to you that makes me a jerk. It’s everything else about me.”
Finally, prove yourself by being up front, keeping your word, acting like a gentleman, standing up for trans rights, by avoiding bad-mouthing someone when a date goes sour, and by listening to her point of view.
Think about it, both of you are looking for each other, but you both want to be defined by more than just your attraction. It’s easy. Just be sincere, and treat her like the lady that she is.
Also read: Basic Trans Terms to Know for Dating T-Girls