7 Types of First Messages that Turn Trans Women Off

A recent experience was my inspiration for this post. I had taken a break from online dating which I do from time to time, either because I’m settling into a monogamous relationship or I feel fed up with the types of messages men send. My recent break was from the latter. If only all men would read the advice I’ve written about sending a first message that gets a reply. Sigh. I’ve been so incensed at times, I’ve wanted to write back and explain the problem to them, but I refrain. Very few women respond unless they are keen. That’s why it’s so important to craft a great first message. Effort really does pay off in the online dating scene. Here are a few types of messages to avoid sending a trans woman you want to meet.

1. Too Personal. Even women looking for casual encounters want to be wooed to a certain extent. So please don’t write something like “Do you still have a dick?” to a trans woman. Treat all women with respect.

2. Form Letters (too impersonal). These are messages that are cut and paste and sent to several women. I’ve almost been fooled by form letters, but when there is nothing referring to my profile specifically, I am suspicious. Also, you should always read a woman’s full profile before sending a message.

3. Too Casual. Women usually send these types of messages straight to the trash. Sorry, but “Hey, how’s it going?” just isn’t going to cut it. Think how this kind of opening would go over if you met a woman at a bar. She’d likely walk away, right?

4. Too Pushy. I had a man recently send me a long-winded message addressing almost every detail of my profile (you can overdo it!) and because I didn’t respond the same day, he sent two follow-up messages asking if I’d received his initial message. This kind of behaviour reeks of desperation and is dismissed.

5. Badly Written. With online dating, words matter. I understand that spelling and grammar isn’t everybody’s strong suit, but there is spell check, or you can always ask a friend to proofread. When a woman gets a message that reads “Me want u for reels” she will just shake her head and move on. Text lingo can be a major turn off too, especially to older women.

6. No backup. These are rare, but some men who can flirt with the written word will take their time and write an excellent first message, but when a woman clicks to check out his profile – it sucks! Your dating profile is your calling card and even more important than the first message because there’s a lot of confident trans women browsing who send their own first messages based on what they read in a man’s profile.

7. Disrespectful of Transgender. Dating a trans woman is not unlike dating a cisgender woman. She wants respect and maturity from her date, hookup or partner. You should understand that some language such as “trannies” and “she-males” is not acceptable to many in the trans community. Trans women are not something to fetishize or objectify. Educate yourself if you want to know more instead of asking a prospective date.

8 Rules for Your First Date with a Transgender Woman

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