When I first tried online dating, I was going in with little knowledge of what lay ahead. I had friends who had been using various sites for years, some with more luck than others.
To be honest, it wasn’t something I really wanted to do. It actually freaked me out quite a bit. But I was tired of meeting men in bars, tired of hanging out in bars trying to meet men. As someone who works from home and takes classes that are primarily attended by women, it was getting harder and harder to meet potential partners, for casual or serious relationships.
I wasn’t hardcore like some friends, going on many dates a week, week after week. I’d log on a couple times a year, go on a few dates, and then become disenchanted by the entire process. I was still hoping to meet someone IRL. I was hitting the dating doldrums, and I wasn’t the only one. So many men I’d talk to online or meet from dating sites were angry—about their bad dates, their lack of replies from women they’d messaged, or their sexual rejection.
These thoughts and experiences always bring me back to what is so important when it comes to online dating: the ability to stay positive. You don’t necessarily need a skin as thick as leather because it’s okay to feel disappointed or miffed or bummed out. But if the negative feelings begin to outweigh the positive, like excitement and butterflies and wonder, then maybe you need to rethink things.
No one’s claiming that online dating is easy, or that it’s the only way to meet people. I like to think of it as an adjunct to whatever other possibilities exist in one’s day to day.
You just can’t throw all your eggs into the online basket, and especially not into one woman’s profile. It’s so easy to get hyped up about a gorgeous gal you see online—she’s stunning and her profile reads like a match made in heaven. But then you message her, and you wait and wait and wait for a reply that never comes.
Remember, no one owes you anything—not a reply or an explanation of why they’re not interested in you, so please don’t follow up your initial pleasant message with an angry one. Hopefully you’re the kind of guy who can’t believe dudes actually do this, but yes, they do!
No one likes being rejected, but it is part of the online dating process. The key to accepting this is to not take every rejection personally. You have no idea why she’s not interested, and there could be a million reasons. Send out multiple messages (no form letters, please) that you’ve put some thought into, and live a busy life outside of whatever dating sites you choose.
When you’re feeling the doldrums upon you, take a real break by deleting the app off your phone and logging out of your account. Maybe try a new site, something niche to suit your relationship interests. Update and refresh your dating profile regularly, or wipe the slate clean and compose something brand new with the help of friends.
With patience and perseverance you may just find what you’re looking for. I just celebrated two years with someone I met online. It happened when I was just kicking the tires after taking an online dating break. It can happen to you too!
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