Just the Tips

How to Be Sexy on a First Date (without Having Sex)

transexual woman and man dating

Ah, that age-old question that has vexed many a person going out on that very first date: How do you make it sexy, without necessarily going “all the way.”

Intimidating? Oh my, yes. Baffling? All too frequently. Even a little scary? Unarguably.

The good news is that it doesn’t have to be. Sure, there are some important things to keep in mind, but if you keep your wits about you—plus good, old-fashioned creativity—then your first time out with what could be your dream trans woman might very well be the beginning of something wonderful.

How to Be Sexy with a Trans Woman

Don’t Make Suppositions

One of the biggest things to keep in mind is not to guess about a transgender person’s comfort level. So no “Surprise, we’re going out to some very popular, crowded restaurant.” Rather, communicate with them before deciding on anything.

When in doubt, ask! Find out before you plan anything that they like to do it, where they like to do it, and what they may (or may not) be comfortable with.

Add to What They already Like

Does this mean that you can’t be original? Not at all. But there’s a big difference between adding an extra something to what a transgender person enjoys when out and about, and taking them outside their comfort zone.

Let’s say they like going out to flea markets. Cool, then suggest a tailgate picnic afterwards. Do they like to go to their favorite club and dance the night away? Great, then suggest a local place to have drinks together. The thing here is to build on what they like, instead of making any potentially bad guesses.

Know the Difference between Sensuality and Sexuality

For the sake of this article let’s draw a bit of an albeit arbitrary line and say that sexuality is explicit and sensuality is implicit. By this, we mean that you can have all kinds of fun without necessarily going “all the way.”

Food can be a great example of this. Again, it all depends on comfort, but going out for an elegant sushi meal, especially when it involves feeding each other, can sometimes be a great bridge between the two. The same can also be true of food in a sensual setting, like a picnic in the park (if they like the outdoors), or a decadently delicious dessert somewhere posh, or or even finger foods at a kitschy diner.

Plan a Playfully Physical Date

Sharing something that gets the blood moving can also be a great way to be sensual without being overly sexual. Whether it’s dancing, a trip to a yoga studio, a long walk, or a combo of all of these, it can be a fun way to get the blood pumping for your first transgender date.

Make Her Laugh

Being sensual doesn’t have to be serious—it can be silly as well. Check in with your T-girl, but if they like to laugh then run some suggestions by them like a local comedy club, a drag show, a trip to the movies, or whatever they think might make them giggle.

You can also mix things up a bit, like going out to a nice dinner but then having silly, store-bought sweets afterwards: a classic Italian dish followed by Ding Dongs. Silly, no doubt, but it also just might be just the ticket to put you and your trans woman at ease with one another and maybe even get some sparks flying.

Go Shopping

Again, it all depends on what your trans date would be comfortable doing, but sometimes a playful shopping expedition can be a lot of fun for two. Whether it’s browsing a boutique or food market, it’s a chance to share tastes, interests, history, and hopes for the future—which is never a bad thing!

It can be challenging to put together a sensual but not directly sexual time for you and your transgender date, but if you listen to and respect what they like to do, what they might be open to, and no-way-no-how don’t want to do, then there’s a good chance that your first date won’t just be a delight for both of you, but could very well lead to a second date, and possibly a wonderfully sexy adventure beyond that.

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