3 Signs Your Trans (Girl)Friend is Just Not that Into You

Navigating the complex array of signals between lovers can be complicated.

You met a wonderful trans woman online or maybe through work, and you thought the first couple of dates went well. Now you’re not so sure.

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Whether you’re not seeing the obvious because you don’t want to, or her signals really are confusing and you don’t know where you stand—familiarize yourself with these telltale cues.

1. She’s Busy

Here’s the thing: your new TS friend probably is busy.

In addition to dates, women have friends, family, children, school, work, sports, volunteer jobs, hobbies and interests. A trans friend of mine performs in theatre productions, so she studies, rehearses, and puts on shows four nights a week; it’s hard for her to find time for dating.

BUT… if she’s interested in seeing you again or making time for you, she won’t keep saying, “I can’t that night.”

She would say, “I’m really busy fundraising for the animal shelter after work, but I’m free next Thursday night.”

She would say, “I’m working overnights at the hospital right now. Are free Sunday for brunch instead?”

If she’s not signalling an opening in her schedule, she’s not looking for one.

2. She Never Calls

Every girl has her own time frame when it comes to communicating. One woman may never calls you first but returns your calls and texts instantly. Another might leave 24 hours in between your call and hers.

Women don’t want to look too eager or too easy, and each one has her own protocol of phone conduct.

It might be old fashioned, but I think a man should be the one to initiate the calls and dates if she isn’t. Just don’t call fifteen times.

If you called three times last week and were told, “I’ll call you back after dinner,” but never heard a word; it’s probably time to call someone else.

3. She Avoids Kissing or Touching

There’s always room for misinterpretation. A woman who’s looking for a long-term relationship and not a hookup, or who wants to wait awhile before having sex for any other reason, might keep a bit of a distance even though she masturbates about you the moment you drive away.

A trans woman might be shy. She might be used to being used as a plaything. For these and a million other reasons, she might not want to come on too strong.

But even shy girls take your hand at the movies or sit close to you, not on the other side of the room. Not being ready for sex doesn’t mean she’ll act as if you have cooties.

If you’ve already been intimate and it feels neither porn-hot nor love-makey, or if she turns from kissing you and tries to get it over with… she’s not really that into you.

And when you’re not sure—ask!

Find a way to approach the subject without sounding desperate or angry. “I’m not sure if I’m reading things right. I feel like we have great chemistry, but you seem hesitant. I don’t want to overstep the boundaries if you’re not feeling the same.”

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