Just the Tips

Tips for Dating a TS Introvert

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There’s a lot about introvert personalities lately on social media. And that’s great, but it also means there are a lot of myths going around about what introversion is.

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For example, the first two definitions on Google for introverts are both wrong!

1. a shy, reticent person.

2. a person predominantly concerned with their own thoughts and feelings rather than with external things.

I  dislike the word “introvert” as it summons stereotypes of either someone incapable of a relationship or someone self-absorbed and narcissistic, when these traits are usually extrovert ones!

If your transexual date is an introvert, is does not mean she thinks only about her self. It does not mean she doesn’t care about others. It does not mean she’s not really looking for a relationship.

So far, all the words and definitions fall short. Introverts are not loners, they are not antisocial, they are not selfish, they are not hermits.

How would you like it if introverts all understood you guys as folks who are scared to be alone? Whose esteem depends on others for validation?

The best way to understand the difference between introverts and extroverts is to consider where they derive their energy. An extrovert withers without company, while introverts require lots of solitude in order to function.

If your trans date is an introvert, here’s what you need to know!

Give her distance and space.

No, it’s is not playing games, or playing hard to get. It’s about respecting a woman’s needs. You may even find it refreshing. Some girls get angry that you didn’t call after breakfast AND on your lunch hour. Not this one.

The introvert doesn’t require superficial validation. She’s interested in deeper signals like trust, respect, kindness. Being attentive when it counts is what counts: the introvert will not require that you constantly check in.

She has her own life, and it’s not up for grabs.

If you’re looking for a woman who will drop all her friends and hobbies for yours, keep looking.

Don’t assume something is wrong.

If she’s quiet, or decides to stay in, or stands to the side, don’t assume she is upset, unhappy, or angry.

When introverts get overwhelmed by too much social interaction, they may retreat temporarily, or opt for a quieter outing.

She may prefer to sip wine on the sidelines at your office party, and observe people, or talk with one co-worker at length, rather than being introduced to a hundred people to whom she’ll only say, “nice to meet you.”

None of this means anything is wrong. If she’s not having a good time, she’ll tell you. If she leaves early, there’s still nothing wrong. Let her take care of her own nature and don’t make it a conflict. It’s not.

No, she doesn’t just want to stay home, and she’s not boring.

Introverts have a rich inner life, and their relationships are carefully chosen and run deep. They engage intensely with a wide variety of pursuits and experiences. Going to an art museum with an introvert will open your eyes to see things in new ways.

Introverts don’t just do stuff for the sake of being around people. They enjoy the experience itself. They can go to movies or museums alone, or choose small group or one-on-one socializing.

Dating an introvert may or may not be right for you, but if the trans woman of your dreams is independent, curious, and interesting, I recommend the introvert.

For them, friendship, sex, and love are thoughtful bonds that mean something. If she’s with you, she’s with you, she’s not looking for just anyone that will do.

Tell us what you think!

Tell us what you think!

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