Sometimes it’s good to pretend we know nothing, and ask really blunt, simple questions. Here’s one: Are trans relationships more delicate than others?
On the surface, the answer should be “no,” and maybe even acknowledging the inverse, how trans people have to endure and survive marginalization and alienation in ways that cisgender people have no clue about, and how this could expand and empower one’s identity on levels that cis citizens have zero comprehension around.
Also, there’s a painful reality that goes with that, that being trans takes more energy to survive a single day, and the truth about how many trans people die before the age of thirty-five. It’s not easy being amazing, but they do it every damn time they make the choice to transition, or simply exist.
That said, it’s harder for trans people to go from friends to lovers? Not on a judgmental and broad brushing sense of believing so, but more from my own experience. Being able to speak from first-hand experience means the world and universe of difference when talking to people about trans reality.
I sincerely think this is one deep realm of human experience that is best expressed from a place of personal perspective and self-collected opinion.
I have this trans friend who I think is adorable. I was in their life after their surgery, and seen them grow over the years. I have had many deep conversations about how to handle people who are less than understanding in their acceptance of misgendering.
There was always a little electricity between us. They are cute, smart and queer. Just like me, heh heh. We saw each other recently, and… the kisses that usually were one second long turned into SEVEN SECONDS. We went past a barrier we never went past before.
We have mutual friends and other business situations between us that kinda made it logical for us to remain friends, but some emotions can’t stay contained!
Next time I see them I’m gonna want to kiss them MORE, and I think they will want the same thing! But how easy is it to transition from friends to lovers with trans people? It’s not easy with cis people, and sometimes they fuck it up majorly, even though I think that’s more often a situation of misunderstanding with monogamous misalignment than anything else.
Me being queer and them being trans doesn’t mean we can’t crash our awesome friendship by miscommunication or something. I’m going to try to have another outcome though.
If things turn out awesome, I’ll be sure to tell you all about it here. Fingers crossed!
Yay,
Addi Stewart
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