Respecting Boundaries when Meeting Trans Women

What are the boundaries for a transgender person? Ultimately, I suppose they are exactly the same as any other person’s: negotiable and nebulous, malleable and variable.

With that said, as compared to people with vaginas who menstruate, there are certain UNIQUE boundaries that must be acknowledged, accepted and appropriately negotiated with, depending on who is connecting!

I had an interesting scenario recently, and the details of discovering a transgender person’s boundaries came crashing down upon me like a ton of bricks from heaven.

I was on the nude beach when someone caught my eye. We flirted wordlessly, then after a while they came over to see me. They talked about the weather and my clothes, and then about their body which I found VERY attractive. They continued to talk body parts, both theirs and mine, and let it be known that any attraction being felt in the moment was mutual. My heart warmed!

As I looked up, I could see another person laying down on the blanket behind this gorgeous person, and their eyes screamed “THEY’RE WITH ME!” This person was basically trying to build walls and barriers between mine and their friend’s burgeoning connection manifesting directly in front of his eyes and ears. I know the traditional song and dance that goes down in moments like this. I respected his space, but I refused to deny the fact that his friend was talking to me.

“I do porn!” I said. “I don’t hide my truth from anyone.”
“Neither do I! Ever since I came out as trans, I don’t hide anything.”

My attraction TRIPLED the moment she said that. Then I had an A-HA moment, trademarked by Oprah Winfrey. Not only was this guy being protective of his possible sex partner, he was also being extra cautious about someone who is marginalized and stigmatized far more than the average person in society. I couldn’t fault the guy, even if he was being overzealous and almost jealous. The trans woman was talking to me very openly, and we had obvious chemistry.

Were they in an open relationship? Were they polyamorous? I wondered these things when I went off to wander other areas of the island. I went back to the beach to find out, but sadly I never saw her again. She had disappeared, and we never got to continue our conversation. The last thing she said to me was something inviting and joyful. I wish I got to see how much further I was invited into their heart’s boundaries.

Maybe next visit to the beach, I will get to see them again.

Addi Stewart

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