How to Make Trans Women Feel Comfortable

I was at a sexy fundraiser at The Grand Gerrard Theatre on the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. It was a hot and juicy party that was for a great cause as well, and had lots of sweet surprises, burlesque, blowjob on banana contests, and all kinds of funky erotic things.

I also performed some hardcore sex rap, but I digress. There was a segment where crowd participants were encouraged to come up on stage, and they were asked to twerk. Four people went up, and two of them were guys I knew. They got hot and very sexy on the stripper pole and made a huge hoot. But another thing happened.

A very interesting couple got on stage. One half of the couple was a femme who danced around quite hilariously (and drunkenly), and the other was someone I’ve seen around before, a gentle and thin trans person to the best of my knowledge. They both got up there and boogied their butts off—it was fun and innocent joy to behold.

At the halftime break, I was in the lobby and smoking a joint when the trans person came up to me and said, “Would you like a puff of my joint too?” I smiled and nodded. Then they said, “I liked your performance, and I have a crush on you!” Then they ran away with the joint. (I had my own… it was cool.)

This scene prompted me to wonder what the personal protocol is for trans people to choose when and how to reveal their personal details, especially in the dating world. I wonder if they would be more comfortable telling me in another situation, since they were comfortable instantly telling me they had a crush on me—it’s a mystery what we feel safe to reveal to each other at any given point in time.

I will continue to try and make it more safe for trans friends and dates to speak what they want, when they want to.

With love,
Addi Stewart

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