Where I grew up not a single person told me anything positive, affirming or supportive about thinking, trying or talking about having a relationship with someone who wasn’t a woman or a man.
It was not a topic that was openly shared with anyone, and it’s not that different now. It is much more open now than it was in the 80s to talk about transgender truths and such, but it’s still relatively silent and hidden compared to heterosexuality. We’re moving in the right direction, but there’s still a long way to go… thanks to human dumpster fires like Trump.
Growing up, I did have an attraction to androgynous and gender-fluid humans. It was just my nature. I was fascinated by the The Rocky Horror Picture Show characters, and anything in drag caught my eye and made me smile. I just was accepting and open to it, and not in a fetish way, but in a genuine attraction way, like “I see myself in your uniqueness.”
So when I was presented with the opportunity to be with a fellow sex worker who identified as gender fluid, I found myself excited beyond typical. This was a person with burning hot passion and a deep desire for sexual satisfaction like myself… and a person-with-vagina. But they identified very much with their packer, and felt very strong phallic sensations and desires during their sexual moments with me.
I was asked by them to articulate some penis-centric dialogue at the point of climax, and it brought them joy that was rarely achieved by anyone I’m with. Being with lovers who have transitional body and identity circumstances really opens one’s heart and mind to the beauty and breadth and depth of life—that’s if you care to care, which others stop doing when it gets too untraditional.
Heteronormativity is such a modern phenomenon. People need to give up the idea that transgender or gender-fluid people are abnormal. There wasn’t even a social or scientific distinction between heterosexual and homosexual people until the end of the 1800s and into the early 1900s!
We’re all still learning, so let’s keep learning, and loving—anyone we feel like.
Yours truly,
Addi Stewart
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