Sex is funny. The mysterious, beautiful, sacred, magical experience that creates life and love for the vast majority of people on this planet sometimes is a secret thing to those that share it together!
I heard of a family that had seven children, and the father had never once seen his wife naked, even though they had seven children together! How that was pulled off, I will never know, but that mother certainly knows what she did to keep a part of her privacy perfectly private.
I have also heard of people who are trans or non-binary having sexual experiences with guys who don’t know that they’ve been with trans people at the end. What they shared sexually, I will never know and don’t need to understand, either!
Does a person need to tell another person they are trans? I mean, it’s essentially obvious, the answer kinda leans towards “yes,” but if someone has “sex” with someone else, and they don’t know their gender, does disclosure really matter?
I’m a cis-gender queer man who is primarily attracted to women, cis and trans. If I was with a non-binary person who wasn’t a woman with a vagina, and we shared a night of intimacy, how unhappy would I be if I found out that person wasn’t a woman? I don’t know, but I think if I connected to them and shared joy to the point that we were both happy, safe, and brought each other to orgasm, I wouldn’t mind if I discovered that the person I was with wasn’t a woman.
I know there have been MANY men who do NOT feel the same way after discovering the person they were with wasn’t exactly a woman. To me, it’s a mystery that they didn’t know by any of the interactions they might have had with the partner during intimacy, but I don’t know what they shared or what sex is to them. Maybe they just humped each other’s thighs, or feet, or bum, or didn’t have PIV-like sex, so… mysteries manifested mysteriously!
Is this a reason to get angry? I suppose I can’t control another person’s emotions, and I can see how it would be a shock to discover someone is not the gender you expect… but hey, if you were attracted to a trans woman, then that’s the telling key I think that matters most, and should be the motivating factor of your rendezvous.
Every situation is different, and I understand not everyone has the open mind that I do. Still, I hope that violence isn’t the response from anyone who is surprised.
Enjoy the secret blessings,
Addi Stewart
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