When trans women talk about first date misfortune, it’s not that different from cis ladies. ALL women want to be treated with respect, even us gals who are only interested in casual hookups.
Whether you’re a long-time trans admirer, or you’re about to take a transgender woman out for the first time, look over this list to make sure it goes as smoothly as can be.
What Trans Women Dislike on First Dates
Sexual Expectations. Unfortunately trans fetish exists and is perpetuated through porn. Like cis men, if you are using porn as any kind of measuring stick for real sex, you will probably end up looking like a fool. Trans women are not kinky sex freaks any more than cis women, and yes, some are into kink and BDSM.
Trans Myths. Not all trans women are into casual sex, or group sex, or are bi-curious. These are just a few of the transgender myths perpetuated by the misinformed. If you’re not sure what’s what, check out Transgender Lives: Your Stories for insights and enlightenment.
Shame and Insecurity. I’m talking about yours, not hers. Taking a trans woman to a place she will feel safe and comfortable on a first date is paramount, but going somewhere to hide her because you’re not comfortable is pathetic.
Novelty Treatment. A first date should make you feel excited—that’s normal. Treat her like a lady, but don’t put her on some pedestal as though she were a delicate flower. If she thinks you’re acting bemused or out of sorts because of her gender identity, she will likely high tail out of there.
Too Many Questions… or Not Enough. Asking a first date questions is important because it shows her that you’re interested, but too many might make her feel uneasy. Focus your questions on things besides her gender or transition journey, like her career, family, and passions. If she does open up about more personal topics, follow her lead.
Too Much Talking. Sometimes this happens when one is nervous, but it can be a real turn off if not reined in early. If you can’t stop rambling, try not to make it all about you, unless it’s about your dog or cat.
Please add any first date complaints that you think might help trans admirers.