Just the Tips

Tips for Dating Pre-Op Transexual Women

Sexy Fishnets

Many transexuals think of themselves as a woman long before ever undergoing SRS and even those who never plan to have the operation will still think of themselves as a woman. As Chaz Bono (formerly Chastity Bono) puts it:

“It’s what’s between your ears, not between your legs.”

We are the gender that we feel we are, despite what’s going on down there.

This brings me to… engaging with a trans woman, and the etiquette that is required. While wading through the many misconceptions about trans people and the issues they face, it’s important to be mindful of their feelings as we open ourselves up to new learnings.

You should never ask directly if someone has had “the surgery”. It’s way too personal. A trans woman will want to know you are interested in all of her, and when she’s comfortable she’ll open up about where she’s at in her journey. Instead, ask about her pronoun preferences, about her feelings, and about some of the struggles she faces.

One of the things many trans women complain about is that all men care about is surgery because they find it so fascinating, but this takes away from the intimacy and chance for a meaningful relationship. Don’t get me wrong, trans are like everyone else, in the sense that sometimes a one night stand or a casual hookup is all she wants. This is where ts dating sites come in handy, where you can be very specific about what you’re looking for, whether you’re a transexual or a man looking to meet a trans woman.

Back to the the “pre-op problem” many ts ladies face. Men must understand that trans women live in their new identity long before having surgery (which may or may not include genital changes, breast reduction, a hysterectomy, or other modifications) while others may never wish to have any surgery at all but will still identify as a woman.

Just because a woman is transexual doesn’t mean she wants to discuss every detail, especially with a casual hookup. When I want a one night stand, it’s because I don’t want the deep, emotional connection. I just want to fuck, plain and simple. It’s about satisfying my sexual needs not my emotional needs. I think most of you know what I’m talking about.

So unless you have a serious interest in a trans woman, please don’t get all Q&A about “the operation”. Quite frankly, it’s none of your business, until she makes it so. Showing a woman respect is the first step in getting to know her, and making her comfortable in opening up about her self – all aspects of her self.

Read: Do’s and Don’ts of Dating Transexual Women

TS Lovers: Do you talk about SRS with the ts women you date? How do they respond?

Tell us what you think! 28 Comments

  1. george

    April 18, 2013 at 5:20 pm

    love to meet a nice transgenger?

    • knight4444

      April 22, 2013 at 10:02 am

      Real smooth @george. but what’s a ”transgener”?

  2. Bobbi

    April 19, 2013 at 4:59 pm

    It is not that I do not want to get GRS/SRS. It is a matter of money and even though the odds of me getting the surgery are about zero, I know that I am 100% a Woman. Just because someone is born with a vagina that does not make them a Woman, it just makes them female. Being a Woman is far more a state of mind, it is being proud of yourself, it is being proud of the fact you are a Woman, it is being proud that you are the superior gender, it is always taking care of yourself mentally and physically, it is always looking your best, it is loving and caring for others, it is being a Girly Girl. I could be a 10,000 year old mummy and I’d still be a Girly Girl.
    I am Woman and I do not need GRS/SRS to know and prove it.

    • Lola Page


      April 20, 2013 at 10:37 pm

      Well said!

  3. Bobbi

    April 20, 2013 at 4:47 pm

    I do not drink, smoke, do illegal drugs so that eliminates the bar scene. I have tried the various tranny (oh how I hate that word) dating sites and found them to be a total waste of time. One thing I really hate is how that get you to join for free then you have to “upgrade” just to be able to answer any email you may get or to chat with someone. Another waste of time is Craigslist, you do not know who or what the other person is, might be a nut case could have an STD you just do not know. At least 95% of the men who have approached me (mostly at stores) are married and that is one situation I will never get into, way, way to messy. About 5% are much younger than I am and I am not a cougar and so for me I have pretty much given up the dating scene. I have my cat “Sapphi Ann” I have a few friends, I have God and that is about all I need.
    And if some guy comes along that is a real hottie like actor Mark Harmon (pant, pant) then and only then will I think about it………………………..Yea you know what I mean HEHE :}

    • Lola Page


      April 20, 2013 at 10:36 pm

      Bobbi, thank you so much for sharing some of your thoughts and experience with us.

      I know it can sometimes be amazingly difficult to meet decent suitors. I would advise not to give up altogether on the dating sites. It’s true that you usually have to upgrade to send messages, but consider this: it’s cheaper per month than just one night out trying to meet someone at a bar or club. I know I am probably a bit biased because I use dating sites myself, but sometimes paying for a site gets a higher quality experience, ..definitely much higher than craigslist!

      • Bobbi

        April 21, 2013 at 5:28 am

        Since I don’t drink and can not even stand the smell of alcohol and would no more kiss a drinker than I would a smoker I just will not do the bar scene. Personally I am much more likely to meet someone at a store or at a place such as the flea market (which is where I met the man who took my virginity). Another thing working against me is my age even though I look 20 years younger. I have found that the vast majority of men want a girl much younger than they are.
        So that leaves me pretty much out on the outer edges of dating. Another thing that holds me back is where I live/trapped it is in the deep south and these people here are like from a different planet. Maybe one day I will meet someone but as of right now my first priority is trying to get out of here and moving to a “civilized” part of the country.

  4. knight4444

    April 21, 2013 at 2:03 pm

    Well I’m totally understanding you point @Bobbi, I’m a hetro male that enjoys the company of a transgender woman. The problem for me is dating sites are a joke! most of the girls are playing games and just looking for a one night stand!! I’ve had more trouble trying to date transgender girls than genetic women!!

  5. Bobbi

    April 22, 2013 at 4:31 am

    The way you feel about the Women, and we are Women on those dating sites, is how I feel about the men; they seem to be there to play games. That is why I no longer waste my time at those sites. I am far more likely to meet someone at a store, at the mall, at a flea market or a hundred other places. But the problem is that the men I do meet just want sex and nothing more, I am at a point in my life that I want a LTR, a husband, someone to take care of, to cook for, to love and that is very, very hard to find.

    • knight4444

      April 22, 2013 at 9:57 am

      Well @bobbie, I’m not Mark Harman and I wouldn’t want to be if I could, but it seems we’re on the same page, wanna chat? lol

      • Holly


        April 26, 2013 at 12:48 pm

        Hi Bobbi, normally we don’t post comments that contain personal info such as emails, so if you have a change of mind, just let us know. Nice to see our readers connecting:)

        • Bobbi

          April 26, 2013 at 1:57 pm

          Since I have not heard back from knight4444 and I doubt if I ever will you are more than welcome to remove that reply.

          • Holly


            April 26, 2013 at 7:46 pm

            Hi Bobbi, I only just posted your invite to knight today… best wishes with this connection.

      • knight4444

        April 26, 2013 at 5:56 pm

        @Bobbi, thank you for the invite, I got your address, please delete it from here ASAP, theres a few nuts out here.

        • Holly


          April 26, 2013 at 7:48 pm

          Thanks for the quick response, knight.

          • Bobbi

            April 27, 2013 at 4:09 am

            Thank You for removing my post that had my email address and I have heard from knight and going to see where it goes.
            God Bless

          • knight4444

            April 27, 2013 at 5:35 am

            I really appreciate this site, thank you for the news and advice , keep up the good work
            God bless

    • knight4444

      April 22, 2013 at 9:59 am

      oopppss, sorry I meant ”Mark Harmon” btw I like Harmon as a actor, lol

  6. knight4444

    May 17, 2013 at 11:18 am

    LOL, like I said before unfortunately many transgender women are so emotionally scarred by family, friends, society as a whole many of them aren’t even close to having a normal relationship. Many M2F find life so difficult they lie and can’t be honest, not even to themselves. Please don’t misunderstand me, I’m not saying all M2F are like that but the world can beat you down so badly you put up barriers to protect yourself. But I’m not one to blame the world for all my problems , we have choices! if you choose to be fake, chances are that’s what you’ll end up with. So the question is, where do you meet TS GIRLS?? well the internet wouldn’t be my advice to anyone.

    • Bobbi

      May 19, 2013 at 5:44 am

      When one has been beat down so many times there comes a point that even the strongest person can no longer get up. I believe that we have very little choice in life, that our lives, our destinies are pretty much laid out for us with very little wiggle room. Not everyone should be in a relationship, I was in one years ago and I lost that person to cancer but lately I have come to realize that I should never be in another relationship again and that is for the best and so I have stopped looking for human companionship. I have God and I have my cat Sapphi Ann and that is all I really need. As far as trying to find a suitable mate online it is pretty much a shot in the dark. One is more likely to find buried gold than find a suitable mate online.

      • knight4444

        May 19, 2013 at 6:35 pm

        Oh brother, yawn

    • Bobbi

      May 19, 2013 at 7:13 am

      There comes a point when one has been beaten down, kicked and hurt (by life) that even the strongest person can no longer get up. I do not believe that we have much control over our lives or our deaths, that our destinies our laid out and we have very little wiggle room to alter it.
      There are those who are better off not getting into a relationship or another relationship with another person and I am one of those. I had a mate some years ago and that person passed away after a short battle with cancer and maybe that is one reason that I am better off with God and my cat Sapphi. One problem that I have noticed and that makes me worry is how desperate some people are for a relationship. I will turn 61 later this year, I am set in my ways and the last thing I want is someone trying to push me into a relationship.
      So if someone acts desperate and trys to push themself off onto another person there are bound to be red flags.
      To me looking online for a suitable mate really is a shot in the dark, one is far more likely to meet someone at a grocery store, a park, the flea market, the mall or in church. Not online or in a bar but if that is the route you choose to take (online or a bar) then what you get is what you get and you have only yourself to blame.
      As for me I will get by, I have God and my cat Sapphi and if by some weird twist of fate I do meet the right person I want that person to court me for quite a period of time before we decide to commit to a relationship.

    • Renee

      December 27, 2013 at 10:25 pm


      • knight4444

        December 29, 2013 at 1:50 pm

        Is this Renee from California? If so, we need to talk.

  7. knight4444

    May 21, 2013 at 2:19 pm

    By the way, it’s not a bad idea to do a personal background check on an internet potential meeting because I actually briefly communicated with a TS M2F and found out they were in prison (I won’t reveal why), but it was a federal charge and it was UGLY! So my advice is to listen closely because there are scam artists a plenty out there! As I’ve said before, some M2F people have been emotionally damaged by society and they sometimes go totally totally wrong.

    • Lola Page


      May 22, 2013 at 3:57 pm

      Thanks for the tip knight. Have you tried doing a background check on someone since then? Are there sites for that, that you would recommend?

      • knight4444

        May 22, 2013 at 7:16 pm

        @Lola the situation with the individual with the federal conviction was here recently. I would recommend TS Dating, it’s very well known and they have thousands of members. I haven’t gotten a premier membership but I will soon, I’m a romantic at heart lol.

      • Lola Page

        Lola Page

        April 6, 2015 at 5:25 pm

        Here’s the link for that one.. http://tsdating.com

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