Many transexuals think of themselves as a woman long before ever undergoing SRS and even those who never plan to have the operation will still think of themselves as a woman. As Chaz Bono (formerly Chastity Bono) puts it:
“It’s what’s between your ears, not between your legs.”
We are the gender that we feel we are, despite what’s going on down there.
This brings me to… engaging with a trans woman, and the etiquette that is required. While wading through the many misconceptions about trans people and the issues they face, it’s important to be mindful of their feelings as we open ourselves up to new learnings.
You should never ask directly if someone has had “the surgery”. It’s way too personal. A trans woman will want to know you are interested in all of her, and when she’s comfortable she’ll open up about where she’s at in her journey. Instead, ask about her pronoun preferences, about her feelings, and about some of the struggles she faces.
One of the things many trans women complain about is that all men care about is surgery because they find it so fascinating, but this takes away from the intimacy and chance for a meaningful relationship. Don’t get me wrong, trans are like everyone else, in the sense that sometimes a one night stand or a casual hookup is all she wants. This is where ts dating sites come in handy, where you can be very specific about what you’re looking for, whether you’re a transexual or a man looking to meet a trans woman.
Back to the the “pre-op problem” many ts ladies face. Men must understand that trans women live in their new identity long before having surgery (which may or may not include genital changes, breast reduction, a hysterectomy, or other modifications) while others may never wish to have any surgery at all but will still identify as a woman.
Just because a woman is transexual doesn’t mean she wants to discuss every detail, especially with a casual hookup. When I want a one night stand, it’s because I don’t want the deep, emotional connection. I just want to fuck, plain and simple. It’s about satisfying my sexual needs not my emotional needs. I think most of you know what I’m talking about.
So unless you have a serious interest in a trans woman, please don’t get all Q&A about “the operation”. Quite frankly, it’s none of your business, until she makes it so. Showing a woman respect is the first step in getting to know her, and making her comfortable in opening up about her self – all aspects of her self.
Read: Do’s and Don’ts of Dating Transexual Women
TS Lovers: Do you talk about SRS with the ts women you date? How do they respond?