Stories

Transgender Pronouns: We All Learn Together

Man Whispering to Woman

Everybody is in a state of education and re-education, whether they admit it and accept it or not. And I know I’m always acting on my new information about identity and sexuality, even though I don’t always understand everything I’m learning as deeply as I’m experiencing it. There are aspects of trans sexuality that still confuse me, but I don’t let it stop me from interacting with or becoming intimate with trans folks.

So I was about to shoot a romantic sex scene with this genderfluid angel I know and love, and we were discussing how much we adore each other. I’ve known them for about a year or so, and I have been generally great at always accurately responding to requests and respecting their pronoun choice. But on camera, it slipped out once, and I called them “her.” I was mildly mortified and immediately said “Sorry! I mean they!”

And what they said next just blew my mind.

They replied: “It’s okay. I know you usually are very on point with your pronoun acknowledgement. And to be honest… sometimes I even get it wrong!”

That confession was like a nuclear bomb exploding in my innocent little brain!

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Our quest to discover ourselves takes us to places so new and unknown that some of us still don’t even have our own minds assembled internally how we want our external reality to be reflected and represented. I couldn’t imagine not having my conscious mind and my subconscious mind being out of alignment with its own self-awareness, but it is an ever-shifting process that all of us must endure as life unfolds! But still, trans folk must have growing pains in ways that other people have zero clue about! I was so honored to learn even they slip up from time to time, as they teach both themselves and the world exactly how they want to be seen, heard and addressed.

A major a-ha! moment was experienced by all.

In love,
Addi Stewart

Also Read: 3 Do’s for Talking with Your Trans Date

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