Building Confidence with Trans Partners

Any relationship we are in has a level of complexity and simplicity to it. We all go through it, and it all depends on what the issue at hand is that determines what is going on with people, as well as what level of emotional engagement they have to practice to navigate and solve every scenario.

Personality clashes and ego conflicts play a part. But when it comes to sexuality, it’s a much more delicate place and space that requires a lot of consideration to enter and exit without causing damage and destruction to the person you are clashing with.

Anger isn’t wrong, but what is wrong is giving more punishment than is necessary to anger, instead of giving the right amount of justice and reform needed to end the anger.

I have had to navigate some complex and simple and mysterious situations with one of my transitioning partners, and I have not known how to deal with things at times because I have no precedent. I can’t approach things like I do with women, nor can I approach things like I might with men—both of those are the emotional structures that the majority of my responses are habitually built upon.

The lack of interaction with trans people (unfortunately I don’t work with or live near any) has made me not as confident and aware of my pronouns, my reactions and responses, and my decisions in regards to interactions with one of my trans partners.

And I’ve had trouble reaching out to them to explain this sometimes, but I’ll get over it at some point. I don’t want things to end, but sometimes there are nebulous unknowns about how to respond to anyone with respect, no matter their gender. And from men to trans folk, there is no manual for communication—no pun intended!

So, to all my trans people out there waiting to hear from people, thanks for your patience. The stars will align in due time.

Addi Stewart

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