That song is right, and it’s a sad song to sing along to. Breaking up is difficult for the best of us to do in the most mature situations. I’ve had a few good breakups that ended with a healthy, honest conversation and a desire to maintain respect for each other in the future.
I’ve also known situations where nobody said anything to anyone, and it just ended in silence drifting into permanent separation. This is not a real breakup, it’s more of a breakdown, and many relationships end in this manner, especially in this online-dating age.
What I recently realized, to my shame, is that I’ve not had the best breakups with the trans partners I’ve been intimate with. Communication of negative feelings to someone, who already is often dealing with extremely complicated emotional scenarios and situations internally often leads to me minimizing the amount of information I express to the trans partners I’ve broken up with.
I’ve maintained sexual connections with a few, but it’s not always the case. I realized that my personal inabilities to meet the requirements of a transgender relationship occasionally make me abandon the situation with as little verbal wreckage as possible, even though that’s not as responsible as the action thinks it is.
I simply cannot leave people in the dark even if I think it’s for the best, yet it’s a lesson that has to be taught to one’s self over and over to maintain the decency necessary to deserve the blessing of experiencing a relationship with a transgender person.
I know we are all learning together, and I have had trans people dismiss and ignore me for their own reasons, so it’s definitely a two-way street with unjustified offenses in both directions, but it’s still a situation that must change. I know I will try. I hope they do too.
We all deserve the best breakups possible. To ask for respect shouldn’t be so hard, should it? Nah.
Respectfully,
Addi Stewart
Tell us what you think