Reasons Your TS Lover Is Not in the Mood

You’ve been jerking off furiously for a month now, left dizzy by her kisses and sidelong glances. But whenever you approach the sex conversation, or think you’re both ready to take the goodnight kiss to the next level, she pulls back.

Maybe you’ve been hooking up but it’s tepid and disappointing, and she seems more interested in getting it over with than with getting into it.


There’s no chemistry.

Does it seem more like you’re really great friends than lovers? Is it possible the attraction is one sided, and she’s not that into you? She might be “giving things a chance” to see if they might develop but not feeling it now.

Transitioning or trangender maintenance is causing hormonal havoc.

There might be lots of chemistry, just the wrong kind.

A lot of women have a difficult time emotionally and sexually because of the ups and downs of their hormones, which can naturally ebb and flow with turbulence instead of grace.

Transgender women usually take hormones to feel more like their true gender and though many feel much better, for some it’s a very difficult ride. One unfortunate victim of estrogen’s absence or surges can be libido. It can be extreme, or missing in action entirely, or a kind of yo-yo.

She doesn’t really like you.

It can be lonely out there, and some people would rather keep company than not. I personally don’t get this at all—I can spend time with my dog or enjoy some much needed time with my girlfriends if I’m not seeing someone special. But I’m amazed at how many women go out with guys they don’t especially like.

It’s one thing if you really like each other even if that spark is missing—good friends can be hard to find and it might be worth it to switch gears and build a different kind of connection. But maybe there is nothing there at all.

She’s anxious about her body.

Sometime’s a woman’s body anxieties will prevent her from indulging her desires. A transgender woman may have extra worries. She has inhabited a body that doesn’t feel like hers, and it might not work the way she wants it to. She may be uncomfortable using her penis and find it awkward to proceed sexually past a point. She may feel bad about certain kinds of sex, and so she avoids it.

Let her know you are open to whatever she’s comfortable with, that you don’t have expectations of how sex will be but want to explore it together.

Transitioning can be painful.

When you go through so many surgeries, your body is a battleground. If she’s rocking a brand new vajayjay it can take a year of painful dilation to make it work.

If a transgender woman’s profile says she’s interested in giving sexually but not receiving, or that she’s looking for someone who wants to hold hands and cuddle but doesn’t expect sex, or any other details about what she’s hoping for from a man, take your cues from that. She has her reasons.

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