Talking to a lover about what you want sexually isn’t always easy. In most of my early relationships, I was too shy or inexperienced to reveal what would really turn me on or too afraid to bring up something that they would turn down. There are many reasons why you might be hesitant to talk to a lover about your secret fetish or fantasy, or just how you like to be touched. You’ll find that trans women are often more open about their sexuality because they are used to talking about intimate details of their life.
Different Approaches to Ask for What You Want
Sexting
I never thought I could do this, but I’ve become a confident sexter, and see it as a fun way to flirt and build anticipation between hookups. It’s a great way to drop a hint (or bomb!) about what you’d like to do to her or what you’d like to have done to you.
Take Turns
If you’re anxious to reveal your desire to perform anal sex or maybe tie up your girlfriend, ask her about her fantasies first. Or, if you have no problem letting your fetish out of the bag, you may find she’ll be more comfortable sharing her secret desires. I played a game once where my partner and I wrote five “sex wishes” on paper and put them in a jar. Each night, one was pulled out, and we promised to at least try them all. It made our evenings fun and exciting!
Surprise Her
Not everyone like surprises, but the thought you put into a surprise will be appreciated. If you want to cover your t-girl in whip cream while she’s tied up… bring the handcuffs and have the whip cream in the fridge, maybe a few candles for ambiance. Or buy her that sexy nurse costume with a pair of stilettos, if playing the patient is your dream.
Watch Porn Together
A lot of people watch the kind of sex they fantasize about whether it’s role playing, bdsm, or being in a threesome because they think they’ll never actually live out these fantasies. If you watch what you like together, it can help start the dialogue (e.g. “Would you ever try that? Have you ever been spanked?”) And it’s great foreplay to get the juices flowing!
As I get older, I feel much more comfortable with my sexuality and talking about my turn ons? How do you talk to a lover about what you want or would like to try?
Tell us what you think