When we are dating and hooking up, we’re sharing our most private selves and getting naked, literally and figuratively.
It’s a relief when it all works out and we make a connection that is amazing for all sides, but it can be frustrating, irritating, and even painful when we are rejected.
Not every transgender woman you ask out will feel attracted to you. She might not answer your messages in the first place. Even worse—things might look hopeful after chatting, a date, or getting the fires started—then boom, she’s not interested.
It’s hard not to take it personally, especially when an unkind date makes it personal. Here’s how to deal.
How to Cope with Sexual Rejection
Remember, rejection is the usual price of the risks you take for sex.
The simple fact is, guys everywhere are signalling women for sex. Throughout history, it was quite common that a woman would only pick one guy! Today, even if she’s a free spirit or polyamorous and always horny, it’s still a simple matter of arithmetic that she is turning away most signals and most requests.
If you never get let down, you probably never get sex. It takes many attempts asking women out to get a date, never mind into bed. Accept that rejection is part and parcel of the dance.
Know that this kind of rejection is not personal.
From one perspective, of course, it’s personal. She doesn’t like you “in that way.” She may not like you at all. She prefers guys who are taller, darker, fitter, who have a beard or don’t have a beard. She prefers another guy who messaged her the same night.
It’s hard not to take it personally! But on another level, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with her. And who she sleeps with is her business. Try to keep in mind how unique and mysterious sexual attraction is.
You asking her out in the first place already means you’ve rejected the trans women you didn’t message—you simply aren’t as drawn to blondes as you are to redheads, or you’re a breast man, or you like chubby girls better.
We like what we like. Be practical about the fact that it’s the same for women.
Improve your odds by putting your best foot forward.
Sex and love are not just for flawless, healthy twenty year olds with pert breasts or rippling biceps! So don’t get trapped into thinking that only guys who are rich 10s under thirty ever get sex. It’s great when you’re there, of course, but most women don’t see the model of perfection as the best lovers, at least not for long.
The best investment for you is to take care of what you have and be confident in it rather than obsessing over flaws. Be the best version of yourself. Eat healthy, be active, cultivate your character and intellect, have fun, practice moderation and good hygiene.
Change your attitude to be more attractive.
Accept that people experience attraction differently. At the same time, if you are negative, desperate, pestering, or resentful, a woman can smell it a mile away, even over the internet! It’s a huge turn off when you feel sorry for yourself.
If you see guys who you think are not as attractive as you getting hot dates with gorgeous trans women, and wonder what they’ve got that you don’t, I can guarantee it’s this: a positive attitude, a sense of humor, and a focus on her instead of you.
How do you cope with sexual rejection? Please share in the comments!