Tantric sex seems to ebb and flow in culture and media. You might hear couples talking about mindful mutual masturbation, or about yoga sex positions. You might read about hour-long orgasms or how male and female sexual energy combine to create untold levels of pleasure for partners.
Maybe you’re curious about how slow, spiritual sex can bring you and your trangender lover to new ecstasies. Or maybe the idea of religious sex drains the blood from your penis faster than you can say om. You may wonder if ancient principles of unifying male and female sexual energy are the right language for transgender sex, or if it could be harmful to someone whose body doesn’t fit with old conceptions of sexuality.
But tantra is a deeply bonding and intimate sexual journey that any lovers can experiment with and modify to their benefit.
Tantra Basics for You and Your Trans Lover
Tantra is an ancient spiritual and sexual practice that aims to balance the male and female energies for the purpose of deeper intimacy and prolonged pleasure.
We can trace tantric sex rites back through about five millennia, which predates both Hinduism and Buddhism. We think of tantra concepts as being Hindu with some Buddhist elements, but it is probably older than either and adapted to the spiritual principles of the faiths.
The historic language of tantra does not have to exclude transgender people.
Though language may be old fashioned or seemingly heteronormative, Hinduism has always held extremely flexible views of sexuality and bodies. Hindu gods have always been more than masculine warrior archetypes and helpless, obedient virgin girls. There have been feminist archetypes, as well as gods that embody male and female together.
Ardhanarishvara is depicted as half-male and half-female. When you hear tantric words that reference male and female genitalia, such as “yoni” for vagina, remember that these are about the energy, so they can be seen symbolically during practice.
Tantric sex is basically slow sex-
You can try tantra without worrying too much about rites and ceremonies or whether you understand the complex world of Hindu mythology. Most western people practice yoga for its mind-body benefits, not as the religious practice that it is rooted in. Just the same, you can reap the rewards of tantra.
The basic concept to start with is taking your time and going slowly—REALLY slowly—and paying attention. Tantric sex is about building sexual energy between you for hours, and when you get distracted or frantic, come back to awareness of your lover and calm the pace. Make every stroke and gesture slow motion.
Tantra is not goal oriented.
Although tantric orgasms—often practiced without ejaculation—are intense, they are often delayed or avoided altogether. The focus is on building the energy and intensity between you and prolonging pleasure, not reaching orgasm and getting it over with.
This can be a beautiful practice for transgender people whose bodies are in transition. Tantric rites can connect people with any kind of body to themselves and to each other, helping to heal emotional disconnections or discomfort with pleasure and awareness, without the expectation of a certain outcome.
This works not just for trans people, but for women who haven’t experienced orgasm, guys who ejaculate too quickly or have worries about their penises, people with physical challenges, and more.
Start simple.
There are all kinds of books and videos you can use for tantra practice, but the best way to start is simply. Set aside a few hours, create a sensual atmosphere with candles, nice sheets, and a bath. Give each other a head-to-toe massage, and make each kiss and stroke intentional and eternal.
Do you practice tantra? Please share your tips in the comments!
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