Transgender Transition: When Intimacy Ends

Sometimes, relationships go through weird transitions that you can’t see coming. And it’s from the perspective of everyone involved, because not everyone who is trans lets everyone know that they are.

I’ve now been with two people who did not tell me they were thinking of transitioning when we had some wonderful sexual experiences. And they do NOT owe me that information, I’m just saying it because it’s a matter of fact that was a marker in time for the state of what our relationship actually consisted of.

I did a porn shoot with one of these trans people when he was a woman, and it was a magnificent connection. We talked about doing more work together in porn, except they lived US, so things were difficult to continue being intimate.

We definitely had one magical experience together sexually, and I still want to see that porn come out one day (it was filmed by a trans person as well!) Now, that trans friend I made the porn with has changed a lot of his relationships, and the last time I saw him I was pretty sure he was interested in being with other people, to mark their transition.

I didn’t feel any disrespect when I realized that our relationship might not continue intimately. And the funny thing is… our relationship DID continue—economically. We have embarked on a new porn venture together. It’s all a complicated clusterfuck of trust and sex and money and trans truth, but ultimately we are still friends who talk on a consistent basis. And it’s very chill.

You just have to be open to the possibility of your relationship itself going through a transition with a trans person. And loving them the whole way, there and back to you and back to the new version of them!

Addi Stewart

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