The Learning Curve in Trans Relationships

This one’s tough. But it’s not all fun and games and cum stains and rough play in this sex stuff. It’s emotional processing, rejection, struggle, communication, confrontation, celebration, desperation and imagination… plus the occasional hopeful session of penetration or pleasure’s creation.

It’s a mix of stuff, always in flux. But one thing that should be in every relationship from moment one to moment done is RESPECT. You know what Aretha Franklin told you she wanted. If it don’t got that, then it will definitely have other issues that aren’t sexy or fun.

I have a gender-fluid lover, and we went out for about six months. We shot porn together. We kinda lived together. We made lots of love together. We took tons of pictures together. We did so much with each other. And then outta nowhere, they just up and disappeared on me.

I knew why and took some responsibility for it, because I wasn’t that prepared to deal with unforgiveable gender pronoun boundaries in my first gender-fluid relationship. If we spend all day together, and I’ve never been with someone like you, there will be a much higher chance of making a mistake with pronouns than if I only saw you once a week for two hours.

It was a steep curve to climb, and it felt unfair to me. Then they left me, and never looked back. Almost.

They came back when the another gender-fluid person was being abusive to them. I welcomed them in my arms because I love them, but it caused me some pain.

We had magic once again that was divine. Then they disappeared on me. AGAIN.

I realized that they have less respect for me than they have for the abusive person in their life, and it’s crushing to consider. I can’t keep it up, and I have plans to bring this emotional discrepancy up next time I see them.

I can’t hurt myself like this anymore. I respect myself too much to let this lovely but confused friend of mine to disrespect my consistent friendship in such a haphazard manner.

So, I just wanted to say that. It’s not fair, but that’s life. Life’s not fair, but it’s still good when you’re honest with each other.

Addi Stewart

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