Reflections on My Enby Relationship

You never know who can be your enemy or your friend in this realm of life, and it’s dangerous and unstable, even in the best of times.

When I was reflecting on a family member who was uncomfortable with transgender truths in my last post, I talked about my experience of being with a person outside of the binary gender social construct, and what challenges were in the relationship.

I took responsibility for the reason it ended—this person had a low tolerance for pronoun mistakes. And it was my first relationship with enby gender so I had to accept my mistakes with perfect understanding.

But the other side of the coin was not shown to my brother, and I wanted to discuss it somewhere, because it’s surely part of the entire big picture of any understanding of humanity that is as complete as possible, especially when trying to learn about other genders and sexuality truths.

My enby lover broke up with me for mistakes I made, but these mistakes were accidental and verbal. Six months after my relationship with them had ended, I heard rumors and innuendo about what another trans person was doing to this enby ex-lover of mine, and how painful and problematic their relationship had become from the physical and verbal abuse that was escalating.

I couldn’t do anything about it at the time, and had to respect my enby ex’s desire to have space apart from me. I didn’t know they were being manipulated and coerced by this trans person who they were with, and I had to wait for them to meet up with me at a public event nearly a year later for them to confess that our relationship was much healthier than the one they were in now.

We made up as friends and have been good to each other since. The point that I wanted to teach my family member was that this type of abusive relationship also happens in the trans community, but that there is no need to judge them on any different level of love or truth than any other group or individual he might meet in life.

Having some kind of prejudice towards trans people might not be the best space to welcome the ugly truth that yes, trans people do make mistakes like any one else, but their mistakes can’t be thought of as being a result of being trans, but a result of being HUMAN.

If someone doesn’t quite see trans people as human, then it’s not time to tell them about the frailties of such a challenging life. It’s all very complicated, and I have felt disappointment towards both non-trans and trans people in my life for various reasons, but certainly I’ve felt LOVE LOVE LOVE for way more trans people than anger towards them.

Family is different, especially when they don’t treat other people like humans with rights. That’s not right! Love is the realest family we will feel.

Addi Stewart

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