So, what do you like to do? Get your sneaky freak on, or get your romantic relationship good-time groove on?
I don’t judge, I’m just asking if you know what your heart wants! See, I have done a little bit of both. Not to even judge myself or put myself in a box, because I like to follow my heart.
I lean towards healthy happy relationships instead of little one-offs and quickies, even though I quite enjoy those from time to time as well! Nobody needs to be together forever to have a meaningful relationship, and the ones that can’t say goodbye when there’s no happiness or joy left to share are some of the worst relationships of life, and really aren’t something to strive for.
So with that being said, I want to differentiate between having relationships with trans people and having entanglements with trans people. I want to be fair and make some reasonable observations.
Are you the kind of person to only hook up with trans folk (or gay, lesbian, and queer folk, for that matter) when you are in a secret situation? Only at a sex club? Only at a kink event?
What kind of emotional connection do you wish to experience with a person? And do you provide or allow your own emotional experience to come into the scenario and have meaning and presence? Answering this question will help you recognize the nature of your relationship patterns which will provide awareness and knowledge that translates to better peace of mind and more sincere interactions with others.
If you know what you like and know what you want, you usually have better success in life. Or at least less frustration. Other questions to ask yourself: Are your relationships usually short? Shallow? Simple? Are you afraid to make commitments? Are you averse to being seen in public with your partners? If so, why? What is going on with you that you want to hide your sexual situations from the world, whether public or private?
If this is the scenario for all the transgender people in your life, what is the meaning of that? If you’re hiding all your trans lovers from the world, then there has to be a reason. I’m not making a judgement, just an observation. Hiding relationship with trans folk, however casual, could be connected to low self-esteem, disrespectful desires, or complex past trauma. It could be a result of a serious work schedule, a fear of deep commitment, a carefree sexual style, or it could mean you just haven’t found anyone in a while that makes you want to continue the connection past a few hookups, and that is perfectly fine as well.
This is all just information worth acknowledging and analyzing, if one experiences it. If you are treating your trans lovers with a certain space and distance, both sexually and emotionally, please analyze the simple and deeper meanings of why that is.
Do you place trans folk in a different category of friend? Do you share their company with others you know? Do you only ask for intimacy with them in certain situations, maybe ones where you are in control and have the power privilege? Things that make you go hmmmm. Just some thoughts for the heart. Do with them what you will.
And then love everyone! Especially the trans and non-binary angels you know.