Stories

My Experience with a Kinky Trans Lover

Hands Grasping Satin Sheets

I had a trans lover once who was into some super kinky stuff. They took me very much to the edge of my awareness and experiences with many sexual situations and also with my sexual education. Never having been in a long-term relationship that was verging on monogamy, but still very open, we were both exploring things we had never felt.

They had never been with a Black man, as well as someone my age. And I had never been with someone transitioning. We enjoyed much of our relationship as it grew. There were challenges from their previous relationship, which was abusive and controlling.

As they were still trying to extract themselves from the influence of that partner, it was hard for me to connect to them cleanly and purely. They were hurt, and they kinda hurt me in a few ways when they were lashing out in frustration. I knew that kind of thing might happen, as I’ve been with people leaving abusive relationships.

Even though I felt prepared to some degree, I didn’t think it would get so extreme. There were moments when the smallest mistake I made would result in a massive reaction. On some levels I accepted and fully respected it, but on other levels I thought it was unwarranted and unnecessary. But that’s the challenge one has when being with someone of a particular marginalization. It’s a hard line to walk.

One thing that was easy, was being KINKY.

Being kinky with someone who is exploring their gender binary is a sacred and special experience—not something to exoticize, but for me, all fetish experiences are exotic from the everyday boredom of life. It being something I was exploring with a trans person was just the icing on a super sweet cake!

This person had a super high pain threshold and an evolving number of tattoos that would appear on their body as I was getting to know and love them. It was so fun to tie them up, and then love them, fuck them, and enjoy their body while they were expanding their identity, sharing their sexual truth, and seeking new ways to express themselves. At the same time they were staying true to old parts of their being they didn’t want to slip away from their core identity.

I learned so much about human relations and how things could be wonderful on some levels while being horrible on others, and it was a tricky tightrope to walk. But walk it I did with love and grace, and they always met me on the highwire, willing to open their spirit to very wild things. There was extreme kink play that came about, possibly involving sharp objects and bodily fluids, but I won’t go further into that.

Even though there were challenges, struggles, failures, and even an eventual separation, there was at least an honest goodbye, a respectful crescendo and a compassionate moment of closure. It was a nice way to spank my heart goodnight, and hold me close until we left subspace.

Thank you very much to this trans lover, and all the trans men, trans women and non-binary gender partners I’ve ever touched, loved or known. You make my love life so much better with the treasures that you are.

Yours truly,
Adhimu Stewart

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