I’m friends with a guy at my gym who is a trans admirer. He knows all about my poly kinky side, so I was a little surprised to find out he’s a bit old fashioned.
He told me he thinks the transgender woman he’s dating is seeing someone else. Since he has only been on a few dates with her, I couldn’t imagine that he expected to her to hang around at home by herself, or give everything up for some guy she’s only gone out with a few times.
Here are some things to keep in mind when dating transgender women, and about them dating other men.
- She can do what she wants until you commit to her. No man should wonder whether a woman is going out with other men. He should expect that she is, until and if they decide mutually to date exclusively.
- If you don’t like the idea of her seeing, or having sex with more than one guy, but you aren’t ready or willing to invite her into an exclusive relationship, too bad.
- Whether or not she tells you is her prerogative. Some women like to be honest even if it’s a casual hookup. Others are more private. Some won’t say a word until it’s relevant to the conversation, which is when you’re ready to ask if she wants to take it to the next level.
- Who and when and how often she sees these men is none of your business. This is a hard one for many guys. A woman is not lying if she simply fails to tell you about her private life. And if you show no signs of wanting a relationship, then you’re clearly communicating to her that you are just hooking up. That means she hasn’t made a commitment, and neither have you.
- Practice safe sex, assuming your partners are all sexually active. Some guys freak out when they get an STI, even though they couldn’t be bothered about protecting themselves or their partners. Here’s the thing—nearly everyone has or has had the diseases of Venus. Some, like HPV, are so common and have so many hundreds of strains, that experts believe everyone who has ever been sexually active has one or carries one. Some are very serious, and some aren’t, but your best bet is protective sex with condoms.
- Don’t ask her if she’s seeing other guys, unless you’re ready to take it to the next level. Don’t ask her whether she’s seeing other guys unless it’s relevant. If you want to talk about entering into a committed relationship, or see if that’s something that she’s feeling too, that’s the only time to bring up the question.
- If she’s just a kink, object, or fetish hookup to your trans fantasies, she owes you nothing. I’m the first to say there’s nothing wrong with horny kinky sex, and if you happen to be trans attracted, there is no reason to vilify a man for this sexual interest.
But dude, if it’s JUST SEX, and you have no interest in dating her or taking her home to meet your family and friends, she doesn’t owe you an explanation, and certainly not exclusivity.