First Relationship with a Transgender Woman

Sometimes there just isn’t an instruction manual to new emotional levels, and a person is kinda left there, groping and grasping and groveling in the dark, wondering if they’re doing the right thing or just ruining their chances with both of their feet firmly lodged in their mouth.

You’re like, are my opportunities with intimacy increasing or decreasing with each inquiry? Sometimes you don’t know until it’s already too late. I know the situation with some transgender people is like such, and that’s all there is to it.

You may not know how to approach and initiate a relationship with a trans person, because they just don’t teach that kinda stuff in high school, or when you’re going through puberty and shit. We’re all just fumbling around, trying to unsnap bras, trying to dig into underwear, trying to roll condoms on—all that innocent hot action.

You might not know how to respectfully approach someone you’ve never really encountered emotionally, and it’s not anyone’s fault! But how do you navigate the unknown? Hmm…

There could be danger. There could be mistakes. There could be pain. There could be embarrassment. There could be shame. There could be disaster. There could be hope. And there could be hope that dies quicker than you ever saw hope die.

Some trans people are like, “I don’t want anyone in my life that gets my pronouns wrong! If they fuck it up once, that’s IT! They are gone.”

And you could be like, “I really like you! I just never met a trans person before, so I don’t know how to always get your pronouns right! I’m just learning.” Sob.

So how do you do it? Do you come from your masculinity or your femininity? Or some combination of both? What part of your identity is attracted to the other person, and are you consciously aware of that part of yourself? Do you know how to negotiate your new boundaries of emotion and exploration of experience?

None of this is easy, and it’s not in many books that are popular. There’s Transgender 101: A Simple Guide to a Complex Issue by Nicholas M. Teich for starters. Then there’s just simple honest questions which you can ask trans people in your life, or on the internet.

I suggest not asking the person you are interested in if you’re worried about messing things up, but take the risk if you think if it will help you and them get closer. I mean, what better person to learn how to love them through than the person you are trying to learn how to love?

Addi Stewart

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