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Do’s and Don’ts: Coming Out Kinky to Your Transgender Date

Woman in Lace Blindfold and Handcuffs

You’re kinky, and hoping she it too. When is the right time to disclose? How much should you share? How should you respond to kink shaming? How do you know if your fetishes will be compatible? Will your transgender girlfriend be open to experimenting with you, or run away screaming?

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All this depends on how you approach the subject, your timing, and what you expect from the outcome. Play it smart with these do’s and don’ts, and it will be smooth sailing.

DO put her feelings and safety first.

There’s a difference between hoping a girl you’re hot for will want to explore your fantasies with you and expecting her to cater to your every whim.

Instead of thinking about your kinks, ask about her fantasies and desires and see how hot the sex gets when you are generous and put her first.

DON’T expect her to go along with all your fetishes.

Don’t lurk on vanilla sex sites, date a nice girl, take the relationship to the next level, and then suddenly unload expectations that she tie you up, whip you, piss on you, and torture your balls.

You should be considering her needs from the beginning, not just hoping to get as much as you can because she’s hot.

If you meet TS women on vanilla dating sites, and you aren’t kink flexible, you aren’t strategizing very well, and you aren’t very concerned about your dates. Not cool.

DON’T wait too long to disclose your kinks.

Many of us have little “things” that fuel our sexual imaginations, but we don’t need or want to pursue them, or we let them unfold if that’s what a relationship brings.

For example, I love Latino men and a Spanish accent drives me wild. Obviously if I’m with a Danish woman, there’s not a lot of relevance to me bringing up this Latin thing of mine, unless we’re looking for a guy for an FFM threesome!

But a kink can be a lot more important to that. If you need yours to function sexually or to be fully satisfied, it’s not something you want to wait until the last minute to talk about. You will want to let it lead the way in your hookup profile, so that kinky trans women will be able to find you.

DO be honest about your needs.

It’s easy to resent a sexual partner or date when they can’t read your mind or fulfill your desires. But if you led her to believe you wanted something else, like regular sex or marriage, you can’t blame her for not meeting your kinky needs.

You have to be honest about those needs with yourself, and then seek out partners accordingly.

You don’t have to lay it all on the table in graphic detail on your first date. Make it short and classy. “Katie, I find you very attractive. As you saw in my profile, I’m looking for a TS girl who is into… Am I what YOU are looking for?”

DON’T date her just because she’s transgender if that’s only part of what you’re looking for.

If you’re kinky AND trans attracted, it might seem like a big win to meet a trans woman in your area. But unless you’re kink-flexible, it’s not a good idea to date her just because she’s transgender.

There are many transgender women in the kink communities. The best thing you can do is state all your preferences clearly and openly in your profile and messaging chats ahead of time.

That way it’s easy to avoid wasting time—yours and hers.

Tell us what you think! 1 Comment

  1. jane don

    May 25, 2019 at 1:12 pm

    I much prefer that men start talking and ask me about my “Kinks” ASAP, online or in our first meeting.

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