I don’t think there should be a hard-and-fast set of rules that everyone has to deal with (except for using safe sex practices like condoms, and getting tested!)
I don’t force anyone to follow my system of love, and I don’t follow anyone else’s. One thing I do is give as much love as people can accept, and give as much truth as people want to hear! All I ask is that I get some approximation of the same thing in return.
I had a situation upon reflection wherein I didn’t receive the honesty I offered, but I’m not mad. I have so much love and passion already shared with this person that it didn’t affect our situation as it normally might. It’s something that we have heard of going two dozen different ways, and many of them have not been positive.
I’ll break it down to you how I experienced it, and see what you think or feel. I don’t know what others would have done if they were me, but I don’t regret my behavior for a second!
I had a lover who I made a porn video with a few years ago. Fun stuff with a super passionate oral sex scene. I went down on them, and they screamed until the walls shook! It was marvelous. We’ve played together a few times since, and it was always good.
We had a foursome this December past, and it was one more magical memory. Thing is, this was the time they decided to share: “Hey, I’m trans.”
I didn’t flinch. I knew their identity sexually was not hetero, but I thought they were queer like me. I did not think they were trans (even though queer and trans are obviously connected deeply, I don’t actually separate them.) It was a revelation.
I only bring this up, because I know lots of other situations where someone would not be happy to learn this information years into being intimate with another person. So, what’s the best rule? Disclosure before the first time getting naked? First date? Third date? What did you do that worked for you? This is good stuff to share, since the reactions can be so diverse.
I’m at one extreme of the spectrum, no question, so others may feel differently if their lover told them two years into the relationship that they were trans.
Share your story.
Thank you,
Addi Stewart
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