The wonderful thing about having trans friends, is seeing the wonderful range of personality depth they occupy, far beyond the perceptions and ignorance of the masses. I have enjoyed learning the complexities and realities of trans and nonbinary people on so many levels that it is a never-ending lesson in my life.
I had an issue with a good friend of mine because of what I would only describe as a cultural misunderstanding, since few other things could describe it. I heard the term “ladyboys” to describe a particular segment of the trans population in Thailand. I have a book with the same title, and I’ve heard many people use this word with pride and joy.
I thought it was totally appropriate to say this word as a representation of the two-spirited folks of another culture. But this trans friend of mine came at me aggressively in a DM, letting me know that this term deeply offended them, and they didn’t like it being used on them, or that I was using it at all.
I told them that I sincerely didn’t mean any harm by it, and that I read the term in a recently published book that used the term positively in relation to trans folks. So I thought me using the word respectfully and with support would be okay. They said they didn’t like it, and I heard them.
I’ve stopped using “ladyboys” in public, but I do believe it’s possible to disagree with trans people and still respect their boundaries. Not all trans people feel the same about every issue, and not everyone is going to agree, even with the best of intentions and actions.
We just have to make space and time to acknowledge each other’s issues and thoughts, and do the best we can to communicate and connect, and disconnect when it’s not working out anymore.
I have a connection that has gone through mostly ups and a few downs, and it’s with a trans person who is a dominant. I’m not their submissive, but I have known this trans person for a good seven years, and I’ve shared intimate threesomes with them, in both a sexual context and a more BDSM context.
They didn’t dominate me completely, but we shared some forceful sex and joy together. I’ve also witnessed this trans person administer some of the most hardcore sexual punishment! I have been close to them and their submissive, and have had sex with both of them, more than once.
It’s brought us all together in some unpredictable and undefinable ways. I’m not a submissive to her, but I still submit to her desires occasionally—she’s forced her submissive to fuck me on occasion, and do other things that are hard to describe.
I am at the mercy of learning and living and loving life on the edge of experience when I spend time and space with this dominant trans woman—you never know what you will discover having a friend and lover like this!
Keep your mind and heart open,