My Heterosexual Desire for Pre-Op Trans Women

I received an interesting, thought provoking letter that reveals the very human side of a man who admires transgender women.

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Since he wasn’t asking for advice, I just want to show the letter as is, rather than offering any words of wisdom I don’t really have. I’d just like to thank Daniel for making himself vulnerable to share his story and hope his truth— which speaks I’m sure for at least some other men out there—will help build bridges where they are much needed.

Dear Jamie,

These last few years, I’ve finally started dating transgender women and have been spending a lot of time on a number of t-girl dating and hookup sites like TSmeet.

It’s really exciting for me to explore what I think is my true nature—I’m 37 and I have always been attracted to transgender women. And very specifically, to t-girls who have candy to hide.

I read sometimes on various blogs and so on about men who love transexuals and though many transgender women and some cis people accept us as we are, we are also seen as objectifiers or sickos or guys who reduce people to sex objects or have something wrong with us.

I am in the most reviled category of transfan, or a tranny chaser. Though there is a huge production of porn for my particular kind of lust, we are derided as fetishists, even transphobic! The last because we want to have sex with transgender women with penises but apparently don’t love them as human beings.  And we are seen as not real men—not really straight and not really gay.

I would argue that the people who see us as perverse are the ones who are sick. What kind of trans ally would mock those persons who find TS women attractive?

My best guess for why I am what I am is simple imprinting: when I was young, my Dad’s business was at home and everyday a gorgeous secretary rang the doorbell and clicked into the hallway in sky high heels. I was intoxicated by her perfume and the attention to detail she paid with hair pins, earrings, manicure, and these soft pastel pencil skirts and fuzzy pale blue sweaters.

Needless to say, like any other tween boy, I rubbed it out a few hundred times thinking of the hot secretary. One day I found a tenth excuse to go into the dining room, her office, to smell her perfume and just be close to her for a minute. For just a few seconds, the way she was sitting, to my complete shock I saw her junk under her thin skirt. I’d had no idea until that moment that Nancy was born a man.

I was incredibly aroused by the contrasting information. The object of my great desire had a man’s body but was all woman.

This awakening is surely at the root of my not-so-rare sexuality.

If it’s something else, no problem. I’m not a problem to be solved and my desire does not require a solution or explanation. Pre-operative and never-operative trans women, or trans women who transition ‘upstairs’ but don’t want to sever what they were born with, these human beings should be respected for their choices about body modification.

They deserve a life that includes sexual expression, and if their choices include a man like me, then what a lucky man I am.

– Daniel, 37

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