So… I did some serious gender-bending recently, and it felt way too fucking great! I learned some things I’ve never ever known or felt about sexuality, and I’ve gone some places that few male-identified individuals dare to travel with their clothing and external representation.
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I did a porn shoot for a wonderful company, who shall remain private until the video is done, but please believe that some level of sexual history was made! Whether it was just with me, or in the grand pantheon of sexual dalliance of men dancing on the boundaries like dandies and dapper dastardly Dans, I damn sure did a thing!
So, there was some serious blurring and blending of gender boundaries, and even sexual boundaries were erased and redrawn… with lipstick! Silver eyeliner! Brows on fleek! And even some fluttery eyelash extentions so my lashes were all alluring like Tupac Shakur’s pretty oculars. (Take a look next time you see a picture of him. Adorbs!)
Anywayz, I felt a variety of emotions that I will be processing for days and weeks, and this is BEFORE I even see the pictures or video of what we have done! I know that I learned something about receiving sexual energy that a man NEVER really knows when he is in the masculine/hunter/pursuer mode of sexual engagement.
I learned something about being the selective receiver, and how to tease particular percentages of my pulchritude to the beholder that is peeping the beauty of mine.
Heavens to Betsy, I had to clutch my pearls and fan myself with a geisha visage disguiser when I felt the rush and swoon of power overwhelm my femininely sexualized body in that velvet dress I was offered to pour over my curvy-ass booty!
And boy (girl and trans), did I ever get into that dress and steam that room up!
Then, after trying on some bras and frilly skirts, sheer stockings and other feminine accoutrements, I made sweet love to the woman who made me all pretty.
It was magnificent magic. When you see it, your mind will be amazed and blown away.
And on the way home, I didn’t even bother to take off my makeup, to see what kind of reactions I would get. Mostly, they were neutral.
One black girl smiled very warmly at me, and seemed quite attracted. Ha, that was nice.
Also, an older black man asked for change and didn’t seem to care that I was wearing makeup. I thought that was cool. He just asked for it, made full eye contact with me wearing silver makeup, and didn’t even bat an eye. I appreciated that, and for a split second, I think that I felt a bit of the same desire a trans person feels to just be taken at face value, and not judged for any reason whatsoever.
I felt wonderful. And I typed this whole article out with my fingernails painted a sparkling lavender.
Much love to my sexy mama lover…
In pure love,
Addi Stewart
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