Many people think that being TS is about being a bottom. No, wait . . . a top. Hold on, maybe versatile? The truth is most people have misconceptions and stereotypes about the TS community and its individuals.
It’s not important how others try to identify you, but how you see yourself. Whether you’re looking for a long-term mate, a friend with benefits, or a one-night stand, it’s important to know what you like and don’t like. Even if you don’t primarily identify as a top or bottom, being aware of what you’re willing to try or explore matters when searching for and finding a new playmate.
If you’re versatile like me, it may take you a while to realize what you prefer in the bedroom. It was hard for me to come to terms with who I was and what I wanted because my tastes vary so greatly. After years of online dating and sexual experiences , I have an incredible taste for both the need to be controlled and the desire to control. Fuck or be fucked. My desire can change day-to-day, week-to-week and, yes, even year-to-year.
Sexual desires can be influenced by who you are at work, who you live with, the friends you surround yourself with, as well as your current and past partners. I learned not be so stringent with the rules around who-is-who and what “is”. There’s a lot that can come out of being open to sexual fluidity. And please don’t mistake this for me trying to encourage you to be versatile. I’m merely encouraging those who may not have a preference to feel comfortable. Trust your gut, and don’t feel like there are rules you have to follow.
Often the desire to be a bottom comes from constantly having to be in control of one’s daily life. You’re the leader of the pack, you manage a team of people at work, maybe you’re a coach. Maintaining this strong exterior takes energy which in turn requires a release – to have someone else crack the whip for a change. Being able to let go and be fucked can be an incredibly revealing and vulnerable experience. It’s about letting go, letting your partner take you over. Whatever they choose, they will make you cum the way they want.
Now, for being a top. Perhaps you’re lover dotes on you daily. They ADORE you and can’t get enough of you. And no matter what bad behavior you exhibit, you can do no wrong in their eyes. At times, they beg for your attention, so to show them you see them, even just for a little while, it will be in the bedroom. Satisfy their craving by bending them over, spreading their legs, and penetrating them. Seeing your partner vulnerable will feed your need to be in control. Now it’s your turn to explode all over them.
Of course, being a top or bottom doesn’t necessarily play out in the scenarios above. There’s an incredible array of fantasy, festish, and kink that both you and a lover can endlessly explore.
Just remember, be upfront and honest with who you’re with. Not everyone will want what you want, and that’s okay. Keep testing and cumming, and you’ll be sure to find out what turns your crank soon enough.
More specific definitions of tops, bottoms, and versatiles.