Q & A

What to Do when Your Trans Attraction is a Fetish

Woman Walking Away from Hurt Man

Dear Jamie,

I’ve had a thing for transexuals as long as I can remember. I probably fall into the politically incorrect category of objectifying trans women. It’s very specific bodies that arouse me—women who have cocks. Vaginas do not turn me on, but penises without women do nothing for me either. There’s something in the contradiction. I love a curvy girl with Dolly Parton tits, red fingernails, perfume, heels, and an erection.

I understand this is more fantasy than reality, that most transexuals don’t have a willing erect cock because the female hormones that give her the breasts and curves take away the testosterone. Maybe I’m just justifying my perverted kinks, but I feel my sexual desires for this kind of body are linked to grand mystery narratives and to the spirituality of male and female unions.

I’ve had an experience with two TS girls, and then I became one of those guys the trans communities makes jokes about—the tranny chaser. I’m embarrassed about how relentlessly I pursued those girls, but I felt so helpless and horny. I’ve been to therapy to try to fix that behavior, and to get away from this kink. I just think it runs deep and isn’t going away. How can I change? – Alan, 34

Hi Allan,

Thanks for your honest confession. We are moving away as a society from viewing people’s diverse sexual interests as perversions, and recognizing the complexity and variety of desire. I hope that guys who are primarily attracted to trans women will stop being seen as fetishists and just as people. We like what we like.

That said, transgender women have had the double whammy of dealing with their own painful body dramas AND the fallout from guys who find them hot. As you admit yourself, guys sometimes harass them and give their own attraction a bad name.

On the other hand, this is nothing new. Identifying as a woman has always meant fending off guys. That doesn’t make it right to act out, but it’s a lot more normal than you might feel.

I also think you are right—our sexuality is deeply connected to mystery and mythology, and it is ancient. The transgender topic can be seen in metaphorical ways: the hermaphrodite of folklore is the union of two gods; trans people in various indigenous cultures are revered as shamans or shamed as third genders or some variation in between.

I doubt you can change your desires. Few people have, whatever they love. It’s unfortunate when one’s desire is not realizable—whether it is rare, impossible, illegal, doesn’t exist, or is inaccessible.

But the key is acceptance and finding solutions for experiencing your sexuality, perhaps in fantasy only. Some possibilities include role playing with a man willing to dress up for you, finding a cis or trans woman who enjoys wearing a strap-on, or incorporating shemale porn into the bedroom.

While rare, your dream scenario is not impossible, as you have already been there. You might find what you’re looking for on niche dating sites like TSdating.com by creating an honest and targeted profile.

Just remember, you’ll have better luck keeping what you find or getting lucky with her if you don’t act like a jerk when you meet the woman with the cock of your dreams.

How would you describe your trans attraction? Please leave a comment!

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