Another age-old scenario between men and women: he wants to talk dirty, and she gets turned off or upset. Man concludes women don’t like dirty talk, or worse, looks elsewhere for his auricular thrills.
Here’s the thing, guys: women LOVE dirty talk.
We love to narrate some toe-curling fantasies. Indeed, we’re masters at it. Just pick up a steamy romance novel or an Anaïs Nin diary and read your heart out… or HARD out.
Indeed, women respond to detailed storytelling in ways they can’t respond to imagery. That’s why female ecentric porn always has more context, a more believable story line, and a slower start to the hard action than male audience made porn.
The main thing about talking dirty is that your transgender girlfriend needs to know something important in order to get started: the difference between fantasy and reality. That’s it.
Detailed dirty talk from your t-girl while you’re making love can heighten the intensity of pleasure for both of you. So why would she be reluctant to spill the goods?
There’s a difference between talking about fantasies and playing them out. Just because a woman fantasizes about a certain thing doesn’t mean that she wants that to happen in real life!
My friend Brittany, a 29-year-old transgender woman, gives a perfect example. “It’s pure fluff, but a longstanding scenario I touch myself to is the idea of me vacuuming in stilettos and racy lingerie. My husband comes home from the office and I don’t hear the door open. He stands there watching me and starts to play with himself.”
It’s a sweet, tame, and fun go-to fantasy, but Brittany has no desire to make it real. “What for?” she asks. “I KNOW it’s a fantasy. In real life, I’ll be tripping over the electrical cord in those shoes. Besides, I hate vacuuming.”
If we know you know that our fantasies don’t always mean we want to try them for real, that liberates us to share more freely. So if you want some stories that will make your head spin and get you off a few times in a row, don’t expect us to play them out too.
“I’m not going to share my sex fantasies if I fear you’ll take those fantasies away from me,” says trans reader Melanie, 24. “I need them. What we do together is different, and we build our own repertoire.”
There are times when we’ll explore fantasies with you and act them out in sexy role plays, but context if key.
Katja, 38, loves dramatic role play with costumes and other characters for a filthy finale with the whole cast. “This is different though, it’s something we plan and anticipate and plot and schedule. I don’t want a big production EVERY time! Nothing turns me off faster than you hauling out your phone book of girlfriends when I confess my lesbian fantasies to you in bed.”
Rachel, 27, says, “If you want to talk dirty, I can make up the dirtiest stories you’ve ever heard right on the spot. Don’t mistake my inventions for the real thing. It can be something I never thought about before, and I can’t explore that with you freely if I feel pressured to keep the script realistic.”
So there it is, gentlemen. If you want mind-bending dirty talk from your transexual date, make it clear from the start you know it’s fiction.
“If I know you can differentiate the plot line from real life, then the plot line can get pretty wild, believe me,” Rachel says.