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Is Transgender Entitlement Real?

Tough Looking Woman

Intersectionality has its good sides, and it has its not so good sides. This is a truth that can be discovered in the most unsettling and unbelievable ways. But such is life, and learning is fun.

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With all due respect, I share this story about a situation I encountered that is complex but real. I don’t exactly know how to even describe it all, but I’ll do my darndest to be honest.

It started around the Pride Parade this year, and it involves a trans person. I met someone amazing at an art show, and we had a super awesome link-up. But then we didn’t see each other for a while.

A few weeks later, I was marching and having a ball when I crossed paths with a friend of a friend. They re-introduced me to this person, and we took it further. Talking led to smiling, smiling led to laughing, laughing led to thinking, and thinking led to connecting. We exchanged contacts, and life was all goodie two shoes.

I then went to meet this person at one point, and we had a marvelous first conversation of getting to know each other. I had gone through a lot in the few weeks since I had last seen them, so I was not in the same emotional state. Their interest in me was the same if not steadily increasing. Oy vay!

They made one attempt at a physical connection that was almost too much—too soon for me—and I let them know. They graciously accepted my decline, and we stayed friendly. We shared similar interests, so we kept learning about each other through those avenues.

But lo and behold, the sexy elephant in the room kept craving peanuts. It wasn’t long before another attempt at connection was made. But this time, some words and ideas were expressed that definitely were too much, too soon, regardless of how other aspects of our relationship were progressing.

I felt that this person’s transgender identity might have given them the impression that they were entitled to advance our relationship faster than usual, because it was not based on usual circumstances and protocols. But at the same time, my desires and learning curve of emotion was not being fully considered.

I had to take a moment to stop the situation, to balance myself and my clarity on who and what was making things happen here—both of us or one of us? Rebalancing myself was necessary for me to keep my respect for both myself and my new friend, so I did that, and it saved whatever we were trying to build together.

I was happy about it, and they were also cool to hear my feelings on things. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary, and I learned a lot from it all.

Thankfully, we are still friends and still have plans to be together in the future in some capacity that may involve intimacy… and we are open to exploring what “intimacy” even means. It’s good. And healthy.

Addi

Tell us what you think! 1 Comment

  1. jane don

    November 14, 2017 at 11:21 am

    I’m a little confused. Except for when I was young (under 20) I’ve not meet people who put off sex past the second date.
    – Jane

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