Just the Tips

How Transphobia Affects My Cisgender Relationships

Rainbow-Coloured Eye

Would you break up with someone for enjoying the art or philosophy of a transphobe? I personally think that there’s more to being with someone than just being with them. It’s being against people who are against them, and being vocal about that as well. It can’t be a silent thing, because when it comes to transmisia, silence is a form of violence.

Every single person who speaks up helps trans people be more normalized in society, and have their needs and lives be respected and loved and understood and centered instead of marginalized and forgotten, which is what normally happens.

I had a friend who I really question my relationship with now, because I’m not sure if they are a transphobe or not. They say some things that are in full support of trans rights and trans people, evidenced in their support for Fallon Fox, the MMA fighter who is trans and went through a very tough time because of transphobic people in the industry. She fought against a lot of ignorance and bullshit to try and make the history she wanted to make.

I think there should be some re-imagining and re-creation of the gender binary and gender boundaries built for human bodies. There are many more ways for us to measure and observe and report our progress as a species in society, and there are always new levels of humanity being expanded upon and explored. Just because some people are not open minded enough to accept our trans brothers and sisters and non-binary folks as family, we don’t have to accept their ignorance!

Not even if that ignorance comes from someone who is rich for the rest of their natural born life, and wrote an international bestseller series of young adult novels that also made a young Daniel Radcliffe rich for life too. Doesn’t matter how many people listen to J.K. Rowling, there are a lot of trans people who disagree with what she is saying about them and saying about trans bodies and menstruation and women.

In my opinion, if someone is a fan of Rowling and is going out with a trans person, they are being a traitor and a backstabber. Can’t just be cool with your partners interest in artists and public figures who display ignorance and disrespect to the lives of trans folks. Imagine the mental and emotional stress this could bring, and make the most regular situations uncomfortable for the most avoidable reasons.

This kind of stress can’t help but leak into the intimate and personal moments of a relationship. When you’re done having sex or before you have sex, what are you going to talk about? The news? And if the headline is “[Famous Person] Turns out to be Transphobic,” what is that person going to do when their trans partner brings this up? Say, “Yeah that’s cool, I’m down with that,” and then try to be sexy? That’s dysfunction defined. That kind of self-hatred can’t be perpetuated.

If you love your trans partner and want them to be happy, then show it. When they are scared, defend them. When they are lonely, support them. When they are sad, inspire them. When they are feeling depressed, do what you can to show them love. And when people hate on them, don’t stay silent and don’t allow haters to talk shit without flushing it down the toilet of trash!

One love,
Adhi Stewart

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