The transgender woman’s experience of orgasm—you’re curious. You want to give her pleasure. You want to know what you’re doing. You want to be sensitive her needs.
Thoughts on sex from men dating trans women:
“My girlfriend is pre-op and says she’s unlikely to move forward with surgery, she is happy where she is. We’ve been having sex for a couple years but it is always her pleasuring me. She leaves her panties on and asks me not to go there. She says she’s happy with breast play and taking care of my needs, but I feel like a jerk. I don’t feel right not reciprocating.” – Calvin
“I’ve always dated trans women because I’m most attracted to them. Right now it’s mostly hookups but I had a long-term girlfriend too. Most of my dates had panting, moaning orgasms, but I’m sure they were faking it. How can I find out?” – Jason
“I’m 52 and new to dating transsexuals. I’m with a trans lady who I’m falling in love with. She is post-op and we have very tender lovemaking. It seems fulfilling for her and I want to be sure.” – George
A woman’s orgasm is a complicated subject! And it’s different for every trans woman, changing also at the different stages of her transition.
3 Tips to Help You Understand Trans Women and their Orgasms
1. Some trans women who still have a penis can orgasm exactly as you do, and some can’t. Her penis may feel alien to her body and be of no use to her. Also, it might have worked fine but doesn’t now that she’s taking hormones.
There is only one way to know what to do—ask her. Let her know that you are willing to work with her however it works for her, and ask her to be honest about being satisfied.
If she says she doesn’t want to play below the belt, make sure she knows her pleasure is important to you, and leave it there.
2. Orgasm is biologically possible before and after surgery. This is because the nervous tissue of the penis is inverted, not removed.
But we aren’t just machines. Emotional issues impact our orgasms, including trans women. Some ladies are highly sexual, and come super easily. Some have never felt at home in their bodies and don’t have regular orgasms. Some prefer the intimate factors of physical closeness or of giving pleasure, but don’t want to pursue orgasm.
Don’t pressure her or make her feel defective. Again, as long as she knows you are willing to serve, serve by being what she needs and nothing more.
3. Don’t be shy about asking her. Of course, if it’s just a hookup, don’t pester her with a thousand questions. But do be up front: “I want to make sure our hookup experience is good for both of us. Please feel open about letting me know what you need or don’t want from me.” Easy!
If you are a more serious couple, make it clear that her sexual health, identity, and needs are in good hands and that you want to know what she experiences and how to make it great for her. She’ll teach you everything you need to know!