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My Experience with Gender Fluid Abuse

Sad Woman Lying on Bed

This one will be hard, but I have to say something about it, or my soul will wither and crumble into a pile of disappointment that I could not face in my future.

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I had an experience with a gender-fluid person who showed me something dangerous and harsh about human nature: people can be cruel as fuck to those who they think are not equal to them. And this truly applies to EVERYONE.

It doesn’t matter if someone is cisgendered, transgendered, straight, gay, queer, bi, two-spirit, lesbian, non-binary, asexual, agender, or beyond all articulation: they can still hurt someone. They can still shame someone. They can still abuse someone.

I do not subscribe to this theory that all smaller sexual communities of people are constantly oppressed and never are perpetrators of oppression to anyone else. This is a lie and a fallacy that has to always be countered and corrected every time we assign blame and punishment to the traditional system that does oppress us all. Yes, it’s garbage and it’s evil.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t also be garbage or act evil. Every single human being has a dark side, and that dark side can be used to express hatred, lies, and pain to anyone. Just because a policeman or a judge is an agent of evil in a patriarchal, cisgendered, heteronormative, ableist, hypocritical society doesn’t mean that it’s okay to instigate violence to them in their vulnerable moments, or to stab them in the back when they are trying to do the good they occasionally do.

Not anyone is completely evil or completely good. That would just be impossible. We are all a slushy mix of flavors, yummy and yucky. And that saying “don’t yuck my yum” is pretty damn true when it comes to more than sex. Emotionally, it’s apt as well.

Don’t try to change a person’s spirit. That’s them. If you are compatible, do the damn thing. If you aren’t, then just gracefully bow out. Don’t try to sabotage their soul and brutalize their brain. To become a monster to fight monsters is the worst decision in the world. Because then, honestly… someone YOU love should then come and fight the monster who YOU’VE become.

And trans people, gender-fluid people and queer people CAN become monsters. ESPECIALLY TO EACH OTHER, and to the people not hurting them. They can attack the ones they love and are supposed to be protected by and from. But fuck no.

A queer person accused me of “not being queer/gay enough” and “not being an ally” (which is a word I have serious issues with, but that’s another topic) and I just had to draw the line. I told them they were being abusive to me. They said they didn’t care, and kept sending abusive language to me. They made judgements on my queerness, my gayness, and my place at the Toronto Pride, which was all unnecessary and immature.

I made my boundaries and did nothing to reinforce or return the negativity I was receiving. I literally said, “I will not reply with negativity. I send you love, peace and light.” And it was outright rejected in my face. I know where their pain was coming from, and I know where my love was coming from, so I accepted it all with grace and dignity… as much as I could muster. But I also made SPACE from this person. And will continue to. Because ANYONE can ABUSE ANYONE.

And yes, this was someone I was formerly making love to. And even was doing business with. But not for a while… because I was being abused by a non-binary person. And it was some of the worse verbal abuse I’ve ever heard in my life.

Don’t think that it’s only cisgendered white males who need to work on themselves!

Sincerely,
Addi Stewart

Tell us what you think! 1 Comment

  1. Jesse Wyatt

    July 22, 2017 at 9:57 am

    I think transexuals are as human as anyone else. I would be proud to have the person as a friend if not more. Keep your head up. I’m with you.

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