Stories

Generation X Meets NonBinary Relationships

Man and Woman Embracing

“Know thy self, and you will know the secrets of the universe.”

This is an ancient African proverb, and it is may be one of the most true sentences that can be spoken in human life.

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It applies to everything imaginable and unimaginable at the same time, and is the bridge to awareness as well as the light that illuminates the path between internal understanding and internal ignorance. How does this apply to sex? Well, it all depends on what you think when you even hear that word “sex.”

For the sake of making this fun, I won’t say how old I am. I’m proud of my life, but I’m no Snapchat superstar. I was around in the days where 8-tracks were a thing. Do you know what 8-tracks are? If you don’t, that’s awesome and just sharpens my point more.

I’m of a certain generation and era. I was exploring my sexuality when things like VCRs and Betamax were in every-day conversation. I had a Walkman and compact discs that held all my love and heartbreak songs.

The words “transgender” and “gender fluid” and “genderqueer” were not written or spoken of in the 1980s. I saw the word “transvestite” here and there, and it was always spoken with hushed or peculiar tones of voice. I was always intrigued by this concept. I didn’t know how to ask more questions about what a transvestite was, but I never shied away from anyone’s sexuality.

I was neutral about my sexuality, not afraid and not overconfident. I was always curious and willing to explore and experience. I did not know how to ask any basic questions about “alternative” sexuality, because the only thing taught about gender and sex in that generation was that there was MAN and WOMAN—case closed. Anything beyond that was someone that belonged in a circus, wasn’t acknowledged in public, or was bullied beyond belief.

There just wasn’t any common dialogue about sex beyond man and woman. It’s a new thing. And those brought up in the internet generation really can’t conceive of a world where this new wisdom, truth and information was NOT so readily spread around the world, whether in arguments about who can use public washrooms or discussions of what LGBTQ means and such and such.

Trangenderism is a new thing in Western civilization, and to have intimate relationships with people outside the man/woman binary is something that there are NO known manuals for.

Except love.

And… welp, I was taught the most powerful way possible, that love isn’t really truly the most important factor in loving someone. It’s the second most important.

The MOST important thing in love is: SEEING THE PERSON YOU LOVE EXACTLY AS THEY WANT TO BE SEEN. ESPECIALLY IF IT’S NOT AS A MAN/WOMAN!

It’s not real love if you love a version of them that’s different in your mind than it is in their mind.

Life will teach you a hard heart lesson if you don’t want to acknowledge this with your energy, essence and passion, if and when the day comes the someone—who does not identify with sex or gender the way that your era or generation or education is familiar with—asks you to see them as they are, not as you imagine you love them as being, even though they are truly beyond that…

Truly, purely, sincerely loving yourself and them would require you knowing who they are, and loving who they are.

And to love knowing them, is to love knowing the secrets of their universe.

Sincerely yours,
Addi Stewart

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