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Trans Women Misconceptions

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Trans women are highly misunderstood. Whether it’s judgement or attitudes, this group have to deal with many misconceptions:

Trans women are just extremely gay men.
Gay men are gay men who want to be with other gay men. A trans woman is not necessarily a gay man trapped in the wrong body, nor someone who has suppressed her sexuality, nor is she defined by her genitalia. Gender identity and sexual orientation have nothing to do with one another. A T-girl can identify as, but is not limited to, straight, homosexual, gay, bisexual, or lesbian. I recently read how one can understand this misunderstanding:

“sexual orientation is about who you want to go to bed with, gender identity is about who you want to go to bed as.”

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Now that you’re trans, you must be getting a sex change.
It’s not what’s between the legs that determines what one’s gender is. It’s about the feeling that cultivates inside, and how a TS defines herself from those feelings. Not all trans women decide to undergo SRS (sex reassignment surgery), nor can even undergo such a procedure. A TS does not have to take hormone replacement therapy, get genitalia or cosmetic surgery, or change their wardrobe. Again, gender identification comes from deep self-awareness followed by an acceptance of who you are inside.

Why can’t you just accept who you are and what sex you were born as?
If this was as easy as it sounds, our world wouldn’t be filled with the quest for the perfect weight loss program, the latest news on celebrity plastic surgery, or products to maintain thick lustrous hair. The process of identifying one’s gender goes way beyond body image problems. Transitioning is about coming to terms with who you are deep down, how you identify yourself, and then living your life to the fullest with the tools that are available.

Drag queens, cross-dressers, transvestites, and transgender are all the same.
The lines may blur at times, but there are specific differences. Let me explain:

Drag queen: a man who dresses like a woman, exaggerating certain characteristics of a woman for the purpose of entertainment and performance such as cabarets.
Cross-dresser: a man or woman who chooses to wear clothing that stereotypically defines the opposite sex. This could be done for comfort or style, to challenge social norms, to shock, or to disguise one’s physical sex (this can be true in the case of gender-exclusive professions.) Being a cross-dresser often has very little to do with sexual orientation or sexual preference.
Transvestite (transvestic fetishist): typically a male who gets sexual pleasure from cross-dressing.
Transgender: an umbrella term that includes drag queens, cross-dressers, transsexuals, T-girls, and transqueers. However, a trans woman identifies herself as the sex differing from the one she was born as. Often this includes the permanent transition of one sex to another which can be done via medical treatments, surgery, legal name change, outward appearance such as hair and clothing, and most importantly – through the acceptance of her true self.

In closing, it’s important to note that some trans women identify themselves as something other than what I’ve outlined here and may have undergone another process. This post is merely a brief guide to help you understand trans terms and to debunk myths which plague the trans community.

Tell us what you think! 14 Comments

  1. Bobbi Ann Johnson

    January 25, 2013 at 3:46 pm

    As a Pre-Op Woman I did not become attracted to men until I was well into my 3rd year on HRT.
    There is no doubt that I am a 100% Woman and as I have stated over and over and over just because one is born with Breasts and a Vagina that does not make them a Woman it makes them female. Being a Woman is more a state of mind, taking pride in being a Woman, always looking your best, always living every second of every day as a Woman. A good friend of mine who is a “Natural Born” told me one day that there are a lot of females and very few Women she then told me “You are a Woman” something I have known since I was 10 years old.

    • Sal

      January 27, 2013 at 10:27 am

      Thanks for sharing your story and outlook, Bobbi Ann. I’m sure many trans women will identify with your comments.

      • Bobbi Ann Johnson

        January 27, 2013 at 6:01 pm

        One thing I have noticed is that some (not all, just some) transsexual women go overboard. It seems like they want people to know that they are trans. Whether it is with their makeup, or with their surgeries. I don’t know if they believe that they need to look like a “Shemale” porn star or what is going on with their thought process. Now I admit that for about the first two (2) years of my transition I loved wearing clothes like mini skirts and dressing well like a “slut” at times but since then I have settled down and become lady like. Now we all know that HRT not only changes one physically but mentally as well and so we do go through (a lack for a better word) a second childhood and puberty. But when I see some trans women who have been in transition longer than I have and I have been in transition for 6+ years I just can’t figure it out. I prefer to just blend in with all the other women out there instead of standing out.
        Well I guess that’s just me, and I know that doing things the way I do them is not everyone’s cup of tea.
        But Please remember this: I am talking about trans women in particular and the GLB community in general that there are a lot of bigots and hate mongers out there who would love nothing more than to beat the living crap out of us or worse and so the choice is ours to either blend into the community of women or to stand out and bring attention to our/yourself.
        That is just my thought of the day.

  2. Danielle

    January 25, 2013 at 6:59 pm

    My name is danielle I am a MTF twenty months into transition. Although it may seem a truthfully terrifying concept for many who are considering transition. It really isn’t that difficult to do. Everything seems to kind of fall into place over time. For some it may be different. I have always been straight acting and appearing. I had a 12 year hetero marriage and have three children and a grandson. I am undergoing HRT due to a deficit in my cells which immobilized my androgen receptors and nearly killed me. I don’t identify as female or male. I feel being trans is it’s own indentity.

    • Sal

      January 27, 2013 at 10:30 am

      Hi Danielle. Thanks for your encouraging words. It sounds like you’ve had quite the journey.

    • Bobbi Ann Johnson

      January 27, 2013 at 10:46 am

      As I have been in transition for 6+ years, the way I feel now as compared to how I felt even 3 or 4 years ago is so different. It is like comparing the Earth to Mars. When I was at your point in my transition, I felt the way you do now but the farther you go in transition the more you will change. I am not talking about the physical changes; I am talking about the mental changes or as I call it the rewiring. I can no more think like a male than I can part the Gulf of Mexico. Everything that I liked before I no longer like. What is important are the issues that affect ALL Women, “Natural Born” or not, because in the end as you progress you will understand that you are a Woman also and that is all that really matters.

      • Gary C Tolas

        November 7, 2013 at 7:37 am

        Hi Bobbi Ann Johnson. I think TS girls dress better like being women; thats the big difference of falling for them. GL in everything you do, love Gary.

      • Gary C Tolas

        November 7, 2013 at 7:39 am

        Look forward to hearing from you, Bobbi Ann Johnson.

  3. jeff comer

    January 26, 2013 at 12:27 am

    Go for it. I think trans are great, and I would prefer dating a trans any day. They are the best.
    Only problem is I live in a little town north of Denver, and people here are pretty uptight.

    jeff
    jefferylonewolf@centurylink.net

    • Sal

      January 27, 2013 at 10:35 am

      Hi Jeff. How do you meet trans women while living in a small town? Have you tried these TS dating sites?

    • Bobbi Ann Johnson

      January 27, 2013 at 10:48 am

      Where were you Jeff when I was living in Denver………………..I so miss living out west.

  4. Alec

    March 9, 2013 at 6:50 pm

    Would like to meet you to chat.

    • Sal

      March 10, 2013 at 1:18 pm

      Thanks, Alec. I hope you’re enjoying the blog. If you want to meet and chat with trans women, try tsmeet.com and let us know what you think.

  5. Lonley

    October 21, 2013 at 2:24 pm

    I feel it’s the individuals involved is what counts, no one else. I am hopeful a transgender will find me attractive and a relationship blooms. I have unconventional sex needs that only a transexual would understand. I hope that someone out their sees this and contacts me. They are visually stunning, beautiful, and not one is judgemental regarding lifestyle. They may be critical among each other, but women are like that! I feel they’re looking for trust in a relationship, and good men to share their lives with.

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