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Crossdressers: Gay or Heterosexual?

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There’s a lot of confusion out in mainstream society about crossdressing, with the prevailing wisdom being that crossdressers are by definition a flavor of homosexual. While there is a longstanding tradition in the gay community of men dressing like women for entertainment, often adopting outrageous over the top personas for their performances. And drag queens are quite different than your average cross-dresser, and are not necessarily transexual or transgendered.

Many heterosexual men enjoy wearing women’s underwear under their cisgender clothing, enjoying the secret silky feeling of ladies’ undergarments give them. Other men go whole-hog, dressing themselves in the full compliment of women’s clothes, as well as makeup and wigs to complete the picture.

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A person’s enjoyment of garments and playing with their gender identity is independent of their sexuality. For some who are transgendered there is often a progression where they live their lives as gay men before moving on to coming to terms with their transgender identity, but most men who enjoy dressing up in ladies’ clothing remain heterosexually oriented, regardless of whether they’re wearing pants or a skirt.

Heterosexual crossdressers enjoy the feeling that wearing feminine clothes gives them but have little desire to have sex with other men. Those in healthy supportive relationships let their women dress them, with both enjoying the bending of gender norms and the titillation that is part and parcel of breaking the deeply ingrained expectations of gender-normative stereotypes. That said, there are gay men who do drag and may even find it sexually arousing, however unlike their straight counterparts who constitute the majority of crossdressers, these drag queens want to have sex with men, whether they’re dressed as a woman or a man. The drag element is just the cherry on top to their erotic sundae, rather than being a crucial component of their sexuality.

If one were to go on cross-dresser dating sites like Date A Cross-dresser, for example you’ll find plenty of men who enjoy dressing as a woman who are looking solely for a woman to share in their indulgence. Humans are a complicated lot, and sexual orientation is independent of gender identity, which is independent of whatever outfits one might enjoy when playing dress up.

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Tell us what you think! 7 Comments

  1. Lexie

    April 18, 2014 at 2:26 pm

    I will just say this the crossdressers I know are all hetro. Now on the other hand most if not all transvestites that I know are gay. If the general public is confused about crossdressers they are totally 1,000,000% confused about the differences between transvestites and transsexuals.

  2. Victoria Zielinski

    May 17, 2014 at 3:17 pm

    Well, I’m confused about whether I’m a crossdresser of a transvestite, a word that I’ve always found distasteful for some reason, maybe the “ite” suffix implies something I don’t like. Anyway, I decided not classify myself, I date only men and only as myself – dressed or not. Dressing is always at least a component of any dating I do.

    I don’t feel gay since I don’t want to be a guy with another guy and I knew that I identified with feminine gender long before I knew what ‘sex’ as verb was.

    • Victoria Zielinski

      May 17, 2014 at 3:18 pm

      sorry, that should be transvestite ‘or’ crossdresser, not ‘of’

      • Lola Page

        Lola Page

        May 21, 2014 at 6:28 pm

        Well, I think it’s important to remember that in the end these are only words. I like your decision to not classify yourself at all!

    • Lexie

      May 21, 2014 at 7:39 pm

      Okay…..most crossdressers are hetro they just like to at times wear women’s clothes, it could be a pair of panties or pantyhose or thigh highs and they usually keep it hidden even in some cases from their partner because society as a whole would label them gay when they aren’t.

      Transvestites (talking male) are usually gay they love dressing as women, acting as women and having sex as a woman but they are happy in their own skins, in other words they know they are male and have zero desire to go on female hormones and get GRS.

      Transsexuals (of which I am one) know that they are trapped in the wrong body and will gladly go on HRT with the ultimate goal of getting GRS if they can afford it. There are those in the gay community who say transsexuals are really gay men but in order to deny our gayness we will go through HRT and everything else to try and prove we are not gay. The fact is they are 1,000,000,000,000% wrong. It was not until I had been on HRT for about 4 years before I even took an interest in guys and to this day I still do not like seeing two guys kissing. A transsexual (MTF) sees men the way natural born hetro women see men as the HRT does rewire us mentally.

      • Lola Page

        Lola Page

        May 22, 2014 at 2:24 pm

        Thanks Lexie, for weighing in here. I really appreciate it.

        • dennis

          June 20, 2014 at 11:01 pm

          I suck on computer need a phone number

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